Male tyrant: signs. How to get rid of her husband-tyrant? Psychologist's advice

Idyll in family life is the central heroine of every woman's dreams. Mutual respect, so often described in fairy tales, a quivering attitude and affection in harsh reality often quickly run out. Many realize the problem only when a hurricane of cruelty and anger suddenly breaks out of a benevolent family man, which can not be controlled either by persuasion or humiliation.

The problem is!

Male tyrant - a fairly common wording in everyday life: a neighbor beats his wife, a friend in society is addicted to the humiliation of his beloved, and in the newspapers again wrote about the torture wife of the wife and children. This kind of news instills in the heads of even morally stable citizens panic and seemingly unreasonable alarm.

Non-standard approach

Particularly suspicious women and do see mysticism in a family dominated by a tyrant husband. Conspiracy and rolling out a chicken egg - the first thing that comes to the minds of many housewives, so the psychological imbalance of the family often make money by simple hoaxers and charlatans. Advertising brochures and self-made announcements ring at the omnipotence of such specialists who will successfully help to set the weather in the house in favor of the offended party.

Many hasten for help to the lords of cards and stones, to learn from the sorcerous lips how to get rid of a tyrant husband. Conspiracy in such techniques plays more the role of auto-suggestion, which helps a woman to realize the problem and to some extent gives the opportunity to calm down. If you often repeat your wishes, the Universe will one day hear them, many philosophers and prose writers of our time believe. That's only in case of beatings and bullying consistent words, read on the new moon, do not always play a decisive role.

At the moment in the practice of many world experts there are trainings and techniques for women who have learned by their own example how to organize their lives when the husband is a tyrant. The advice of a psychologist in this situation can be regarded in different ways: as a motivation in making fateful and already hard-won decisions or a foundation for persistent justification of any male actions.

Jealousy is the cause of many problems

Strangely enough, but the situation when the monster's wife regularly justifies his own tormentor, the most common in the world. Most of the main root cause of a distressed family situation is the feeling of jealousy, popularized by books and movies.

He is often associated with a feeling of constant fear and rivalry, which takes its roots from early childhood, which survived a tyrant husband. Too widespread tendency, when in a large family the parental attention is distributed not absolutely fairly and is equivalent. Each child has his own unique character, his own degree of activity and perception of the world, so the human element can play the elementary role in the elementary generation. Freud - the most frequently discussed and difficult to perceive psychologist - depicted in his time a picture of the first example of jealousy in a child - the fear of losing the mother's breast and milk. The founder of scandalous depth psychology believed that the baby's sense of fear of losing the bliss of connection with the mother manifested itself from the first days. Uncontrolled screaming and crying are colorful confirmations.

Wife - a kind of continuation of infantile attachment, which is so appreciated by a tyrant husband. For boys, who do not fully measure the stage of growing up in the cocoon of love of parents, women become, rather, a means of filling family gaps. As a consequence, relations and all their joys and sorrows are perceived through the prism of their own program. Cope with the majority of normally developed women with this situation is difficult.

The initial manifestations of jealousy, or rather mistrust, often inspire the woman herself, increasing her self-esteem. Family life, especially well-fed and contented, often leads to a cooling of feelings, freshness and boredom, which short-sighted ladies decide to sweeten with jealousy. Unreasonable delays at work, shortage of time for marital duties, flirting with strangers and a long stay in the networks are doing their destructive work. As a result, tormented by demons from the time of childhood, the faithful loses and so fragile control: sudden calls, commander's habits and the demands of the report on any case can be aggravated by scandals and fights.

Talking with such kind of active wives even experienced psychologists is not easy. The settled notion of good intentions is too slow to leave the woman's subconscious. In her understanding, only the desire to add piquancy and the gloss of married life is recorded, and the damage inflicted by her whim can not be immediately analyzed.

Symptoms

Jealousy is on three pretty well-fed whales - a thirst for property, a progressive sense of inferiority and projection of personal flaws on the surrounding people. Not an exception and a tyrant husband. The signs of jealousy always eloquently demonstrate their origins:

1. The owner does not accept the possibility of communicating his woman with other members of the stronger sex - no acquaintance with friends and the introduction of the male collective will not correct the perception of the tyrant. He also completely denies the need for a personal space beloved. All-consuming control is the motto of his whole life. Often the root cause of this behavior is the very nature of the man - stubbornness and lack of communication lead to ambitiousness and inflexibility.
2. The feeling of inferiority is a solid foundation for tyranny: a man unsatisfied with his body or character displays his complexes more brightly than a woman. Any aspirations of a spouse to develop and improve are perceived as betrayal and manifestations of betrayal. Comparing or drawing parallels with his wife is a terrible offense that a tyrant husband can paint for himself. Signs of jealousy are manifested with theatrical meticulousness - any wishes or demands get unprecedented resonance and a powerful rebuff from the faithful.
3. With the projection of the shortcomings, everything is relatively simple - the husband inclined to adultery does not doubt his wife's sinfulness, so delays at work and silence in the phone are always perceived as a proven fact of treason.

Control the intervention!

The abundance of omniscient female advisers is a characteristic feature of families in which the husband is a tyrant. Divorce and special move is the most popular offer, which can be heard during kitchen girlish gatherings. The most active girlfriends not only motivate and instruct, but also strive to become the protagonist in every way in the family problem. Psychologists advise spouses to control such a process of interference in personal life. Not all problems require a mass audience.

Awareness of the problem

In a situation where a woman is married to a sadist and an avid alcoholic, the external factor plays a significant role. Staying in a constant cycle of alcoholic feasts of his pious, chronic lack of funds and beatings, not everyone can find the right solution from the current situation. To represent the full depth of the family tragedy, it is worth returning to its beginning. None of the girls did not knowingly marry an alcoholic and a badass. This is the main thesis of any family confusion. And often it is someone else who helps to understand it.

Each cell of society develops independently, and the pace, as well as the direction of this process, is determined only by its participants. A person can not become in an instant a non-interrogating subject with constant attacks of aggression. Alcohol dependence progresses demonstratively gradually, it as bad news spreads throughout the body, slandering its cells to obey only the thirst for drinking.

The beginning of such a tragic epic of a woman is often missed, after all, a pliable and positive-minded husband after drinking in a certain proportion is impressed. This situation is prevalent in families where the breadwinners are overwhelmed by the overwhelming support and upbringing problems. Women themselves prepare the ground for their halves. In the world practice there is a common case when a mother placed her husband on the role of a family executioner. All misdemeanor and disobedience of the carapaces are clearly transmitted to the parent in the most colorful form, after which the tired husband is mistaken for family repression. Few women are aware that the punitive mission is qualitatively destroying the human psyche, and the man subconsciously does not want to lose the throne of a strong and courageous hero. The circle closes suddenly, not leaving sometimes even loopholes to correct mistakes.

The burden of social, marital and parental obligations exerts pressure on a man, especially when he has not been instilled since childhood to share his even minor fears and anxieties with the closest associates. The best anti-stress is alcohol, which becomes a catalyst in the process of transformation of the spouse. Frequent corporate parties and receptions, later drinking because of the evening sadness, further simply for appetite. Conversations and entreaties often lead to pictures of outbursts of anger, assurances of full control of their cravings and the ability to stop talking with a glass at any second.

Signs of disaster

Experts say that none of the clients of drug treatment facilities came to them on their own initiative, especially in the initial stages. Often the initiator was the victim, who was badly impaired by the life of a tyrant husband. What to do with a fighter and a drunkard, only the wives-health workers or comprehensively developing people know.

The first signs of disaster can be small at first glance processes:

1. Changed the degree or the number of drinks consumed by the faithful - the husband smoothly switched from beer to vodka (cognac) or from a bottle to a pack.
2. The so-called bodun - vomiting reflex or headaches (gastric) pains did not appear from previously seen doses.
3. Reflection of the amount of alcohol in relation to children and the wife. The husband does not just break down on his wife, who prevented to get a dose, but also tries in every possible way to disturb the children.
4. The appearance of now a frequent visitor - amnesia: the cases when all the events can not be combined into a heap can not be awakened by a tyrant husband. Tips and persuasion lead only to irritation and scandal.
5. Eloquent manifestation of discontent towards life, family and work in sober moments of life. The tyrant husband does not just grumble over the broken tap, but also annoyed about the deuce, the amount of food or politics, the kind of spouse especially takes the aggressor out of himself, there are fights.
6. Many-hour alkomarafons have outgrown in multi-day actions - the appearance of drinking moments is the most vivid manifestation of dependence, after the first case it is necessary to immediately drag the hubby to the narcologist.

What not to do? Advices to the spouse

How to live with her tyrant husband, who regularly looks in the neck, is not easy to determine. Each case is strictly individual and depends in the majority on the strength of the will of the most dependent and his family. But there are several general principles for a more even coexistence with the aggressor.

It is not advisable for the tyrant's wife to admit the following:

1. Mocking the dependency or personal qualities of the spouse in society - caustic remarks not only do not spur a man to improve, but will lead to increased traction, for euphoria is brought every time by a bottle, not by a family and children.
2. The provocation of jealousy in the faithful towards one of his company - such a practice is practiced by many wives, not realizing that the situation, modeled as positive, will turn into a drunken trial with possible injuries and greater hatred of the wife herself.
3. Transferring responsibility for a drunkard-hubby to the shoulders of his parents - a sense of shame can not pave the way for the dependent to recover. And in most of the variants knocks out the so elusive soil from under the feet, the tyrant closes in himself, applies fists at the slightest occasion, and runs off into the warm embrace of his companions for the passion.
4. Ultimatums and threats of divorce - to help such sanctions can only be for a short time and only in cases where the soul of a man has survived the principles of love, craving for the family, otherwise cries of deprivation of rights to children and joint property can lead to a relapse and physical Violence.
5. Simulation of serious illnesses or refusal to perform domestic routine duties - the powerlessness of a woman in almost all men is disgusting and in some proportion even offensive, in the mind of a man the principle is laid down that dictates the obligatory presence of a blooming woman at him, violation of this rule can cause an increase in the desire to drink and To debauch.

Councils of psychologists. How to improve life with a spouse?

To correct or simplify your own life with your tyrant husband will help a small list of useful habits:

1. It's worth starting with yourself. Marriage with a tyrant is not the limit, you should not get used to the role of a stagnated victim and let things go on its own. Financial independence (even the most minimal) will help to soberly assess the situation, the material plane always leads to a constant analysis of its capabilities and dependencies. In the initial phases, the drinking husband can still notice the transformation of the wife, analyze her own conformity to such a woman and make her own sentence.
2. It is always worth assessing how a tyrant husband behaves. Do not encourage a hamovitogo man a glass-the second to improve the mood. A woman who wants to fence off a family from an alcoholic plague is obliged to introduce a moratorium on alcohol in her penates. The so-called dry law in the Soviet era is not a method of influence or control over the faithful, a ban on drinking should become a principle for the whole family, and not just for the person sitting on an alcoholic diet.
3. The main problem of the family is a bored tyrant husband. Psychologist's advice is quite simple - in moments of enlightenment from alcohol, men often do not understand where to stick themselves, society is constantly developing, and drinking bouts only knock out of this pace. Tirana should be interested or wisely introduced to a joyful occupation - climbing, cycling, hiking or parachuting with emotional value can easily replace the euphoria of alcohol, most importantly, do not throw a man with this activity alone, women's praise and inspiration are excellent catalysts for the male aspiration .
4. The tyrant's wife is obliged to accept the fact that alcohol is a method of relaxation, therefore, replacing it with something more saturated, one can get rid of the problem itself. This principle works at the very beginning of alcoholism, an inveterate drunkard does not change it. To begin with, a woman must take herself into her fragile hands and begin to act - constant scandals and the use of a rolling pin just discourage men from doing something. Dinner should be a small holiday for a man, even without fabulous salads and snacks. Pleasant conversation, delicious tea (coffee), a neat wife - the guarantee of stability of any relationship. If the family came to a conclusion to solve the problem together, it is worth armed with a vital cunning.
5. If a man grieves about troubles or difficulties at work or in society, do not brush aside the inflated problems. Everyone feels a thirst for support and understanding, disregard from close people is often taken as personal defeat and disappointment. Drug in the form of alcohol or drugs is much faster than the signal of a disaster in the family ripens.

All these rules can give a result, or at least some results, only when the whole family is united and understands the seriousness of the alcohol problem. If a man does not recognize his own weakness and the perniciousness of such behavior, coping with it is much more difficult.

How to get rid of her husband-tyrant? How can one disperse peacefully?

In the case where all methods are tried, and the result is more likely to aggravate the situation, it is worthwhile to think about divorce. And how to get a divorce from the tyrant husband without harm to the children and their own nervous system? To reach this conclusion many women sometimes take a whole decade, because the weak sex is inclined to idealization and hope, so the harsh reality overtakes its victim not immediately.

How to get away from a tyrant husband, who is prone to violence or enmity, to derive the algorithm is quite difficult. First of all, it's worth getting a good lawyer. Consultations will help to realistically assess the situation, possible consequences and prospects, and also to refresh oneself from the legal point of view with arguments. The next step is to remove the move, do not share the room with an uncontrolled person, seizures of aggression can lead to injury or death. Children should be sent to a psychologist in order to correct existing phobias, and prevent future ones.

If everything is returned ...

It happens that a former tyrant husband after some time trying to build a relationship. How to act in this situation, each woman decides for herself, based on common sense and experience already gained. The main nuance is the children's reaction to the development of such a plot, having analyzed the totality of all factors, it is possible to decide the fate of the second chance for the tyrant.