A grim man: how to communicate with him?

The most senseless feeling that a person is capable of is an insult. A grieving person with his behavior tries to prove to the whole world and to a specific individual his importance, without confirming it with anything other than illogical attacks and accusations. A look at the relationship through the prism of resentment distorts the outlook so much that a person is no longer taken seriously and is trying to stop relations with him, giving rise to an even greater sense of disappointment in the latter.

Insult and touchiness: what's the difference?

Resentment is a reaction, often demonstrative, in response to a statement, action or lack of action. A man tries to show that he is not happy with the course of what is happening, that he expected another, and with his whole appearance demonstrates how much his disappointment. Discontent is intertwined with disappointment (one thing was expected - it turned out differently), pain and sorrow ("I did not expect this from you"), excitement and anxiety (suddenly it will happen again), impotence ("you are stronger - therefore you think yourself right"), irritation And anger ("I will avenge you").

Resentment is like a flu: you can potemperaturize and recover after a couple of days, but, perhaps, the inflammation will capture the entire body and cause a chronic condition or destroy the carrier. This state is called resentment. A very touchy person is ready to take offense at all possible stimuli, sometimes from scratch, erecting piles of non-existent problems, all showing how much the world is unfair to him.

All human feelings are a subjective thing, but here the feeling of resentment is several times stronger than all the others, since its "I" and personal dignity are placed above the others.

Why do people take offense?

Psychologists share all the reasons in four categories:

• Misunderstanding of jokes: the most often offended person, devoid of a sense of humor, it can be affected even by a small puff - this is his defensive reaction and indicator that you do not have to do this. This is the easiest form, although it happens that a person gets stuck and is offended for years, developing a plan for revenge.
• Manipulation: wanting to get it conceived, but not seeing the desired result, the touchy person "puffs up his lips", withdraws and remains silent - all his appearance showing that he expects absolutely other actions.

• Deceived hopes: often people give in to fantasies or attribute to the surrounding non-existent character traits, await unusual actions, and then are deeply disappointed with reality. They try to show offense of the magnitude of their disappointment, as if unobtrusively trying to change a person.
• Inability or unwillingness to forgive: overestimated self-esteem and hyper-ego make people blind to other people's emotions and motives of actions. In this case, this category of people can combine all three previous categories, turning a person into a paranoid.

How does resentment turn into touchiness?

Because of the excessive sense of one's own "I" and increased self-pity, a person often has internal strife: "Why me? Why can they, and I do not? I am worthy (to) the best, more. " This further immerses a person in an illusory reality, invented by himself and, most likely, significantly different from reality. And the more often this happens, if the cause of the insults remains unresolved and settles inside, the more a person becomes resentful, fixated on their experiences and blind to the feelings of others. Excessive resentment becomes a natural state, destroying the inner world of man.

Four types of resentful

Psychoanalysts share resentful people in several types, analyzing which, you can understand why you are being held evil and how to correct the situation.

- People with a complex of eternal sacrifice: constantly at all and all offended, with or without: any careless word, slanting gaze or gesture can drive them and the deepest depression, a week's silence or, conversely, constant whining. This type of too touchy a person in a state of affect can do anything, up to an attempt at suicide, so they need to behave with extreme caution.

- Paranoid: people are touchy because of excessive suspicion, jealousy and fear of being deceived. They hear only what they want, they understand the situation only from their highly subjective viewpoint and are looking for a catch in almost everything.

- People with an inferiority complex: their total insecurity gives rise to a feeling of insecurity, it seems to them that the people around constantly want to offend, laugh at the shortcomings (sometimes visible only to themselves) and assert themselves at their expense. Often such people are sensitive to the quiet, they do not scandal, do not try to manipulate, but simply become self-absorbed, accumulating a coma of resentment.

- Avengers: their distorted view of the world in conjunction with megalomania makes me constantly scroll in my head plans for revenge, retribution for insult and moves to further immoral actions. And the grievousness of their offense is so great (even for trifling trivia) that for years they can conceive a plan of a vendetta worthy of Moriarty himself.

Male offense

Men actually take offense extremely seldom - they are more upset, angry or disappointed in some actions of relatives. Logical mindset simply does not allow them to keep the cause for a long time - in half an hour the male consciousness will find it more interesting to practice than the obmuslovanie of the past action. The only thing that can really hurt him and permanently dislodge him is the criticism of his "male" behavior: sexual inconsistency, comparison with other men, public condemnation and devaluation of his gifts. Then a man can either close in himself, or, retaining the external habitual behavior, keep the resentment in himself for quite a long time, and during a strong quarrel everything is to be stated.

Female insult

Women have the palm of superiority in offenses: they take offense several times a day, while some are fleeting states that can not even be called an offense - so, I was upset for five minutes and forgot. For some, this is the idea-fix of the whole life: "You have offended me - I have not seen my tears", because of which they start poisoning life for themselves and others. At the same time, an offended woman is like a madman: she does not have any intelligence, emotions and can tell mountains of superfluous, rude and unnecessary. It is excessive sensitivity and destroys such women.

Child offense

The offense of a child is a great psychological trauma, which can lead to a mass of complexes, an aversion to the realities of the world and a distorted perception of the surrounding people. The danger is that the unstable child's psyche can not cope with the experiences, can not properly respond to the stimulus and imprint the negative experience on the subconscious, creating an illusory reality.

Most too touchy people brought this feeling with them from childhood, they merged with it and without it can no longer. 80% of all fears, phobias, complexes and reactions are laid in a person at preschool age, most of them come from parents and close relatives. Therefore, the next time, before you abuse the child for something, think ten times if it is necessary.

What is fraught with communication with such a person?

When a resentful person is present in the company, it looks like a boil: it hinders, but nobody dares to touch so as not to cause pain. An imperceptible ring of alienation is formed, which further offends a person - the circle is closed. In addition, a very sensitive person reacts sharply to criticism. Therefore, openly judging him for susceptibility is like adding fuel to a fire.

The constant need to select the "right" words, expressions and actions already indicates that you are being manipulated, which means that a person has understood the force of his influence and will use it every time as necessary.

Why do not all people take offense?

The psychology of the offended person is different: some are extremely rarely subject to such a painful reaction, while others, on the contrary, are hypersensitive. With some you can joke on the brink of a foul, while others acutely react even to the comment about the hair. Why is this happening?

In fact, everything depends on the inner state of a person: how self-sufficient or dependent on public opinion is it, what is the magnitude of his sense of pride and his own importance. Everyone has their weak points and pain points: some of them are on the surface and painful, while others are hidden under a thick layer of character and willpower.

How to communicate with a touchy person?

For others, this is sometimes a whole problem. How to name a touchy person so as not to offend? How to communicate with him, if there is no possibility to stop the relationship (this is an employee, a relative or a husband-wife).

The first way is to try to ignore attempts at manipulation, provided that their rightness is indeed such. You can ask the opinions of the disinterested person (of course, tactfully, so as not to offend the offended).

The second: to try to take the situation into your own hands and from a sensual quarrel to translate it into a quiet discussion of the problem.

Communication with overly emotional people teaches tolerance and loyalty, this is a good reason to look at yourself and others from a different angle. One has to be indulgent towards sensual bursts - after all, if the reasons for this reaction are known, it becomes clear that the touchy person has internal problems above the roof. Pity him, only mentally.

The "all-in-one" method: describe the offense in response. Perhaps, having felt himself in the place of a "pseudo-abuser", a person will change his behavior and attitude. Try to put yourself in the place of the offended and scroll the situation mentally, trying to look at her with his eyes. Ask yourself what percentage of your guilt is that a person is offended. Be objective: maybe you unconsciously, without thinking, hurt a person.

How to help get rid of offense?

Explain to the person why you acted and said so, and not otherwise. To explain in detail the smallest detail in detail, with all its appearance let it be understood that there was no desire to offend. If the situation really requires it - you need to apologize. Just do not forget: to apologize means to regret what was done and promise to do more like this. Human reactions come from actions, not just words.

Try to explain that resentment is a destructive feeling, showing how offended someone does not respect as a person. Show that you respect him, but you will never have close relationships if they develop so one-sidedly.

What will the accumulated grievances bring?

Does everyone know that resentment is a manifestation of one of the seven sins of Christianity: pride? A wounded sense of superiority spurs a man into ill-considered actions: relationships break up, marriage and related bonds collapse. Everything happens because everyone puts himself above another, and this is a manifestation of pride.

Focused on his inner experiences, a person loses his ability to reason, his efficiency decreases, which, in turn, can lead to the loss of work. In an attempt to stifle the pain of resentment, some people start drinking or taking drugs.

Why is a sensitive person often sick? His nervous system is constantly overloaded with stresses, depressions and neuroses. Under the influence of feelings, he breaks the habitual diet, which will have a detrimental effect on the digestive system: gastritis, stomach ulcers are side effects of stress.

From constant experiences develops a migraine, a spasm of muscles of a neck and a humeral belt (that can lead to problems with a backbone). Spasmodic muscles, in turn, block the free operation of the lungs, hyperventilation is disrupted, and this is the first step to catarrhal diseases and various inflammatory processes.

In the process of communicating with a sensitive person try to convey this information, perhaps, common sense will win, and resentment will go away.