Rules for communicating with parents. Culture of communication and behavior

The relationship between adults and the younger generation is sometimes quite painful and difficult. Deeply and in detail the problem was described by Ivan Turgenev in the famous novel "Fathers and Sons". Misunderstanding and resentment, a different view of things and the inability to compromise are what most families that raise their offspring face. Despite the complexity of the situation, people can always establish contacts. The main thing is to have a great desire and try to apply the maximum amount of forces to such an important matter.

Main "family" periods

The rules for communicating with parents in children develop in different ways. Very much depends on the age of the baby, the characteristics of his character and the style of education that adherents adhere to. Psychologists distinguish four important stages in the formation of such relations:

• Dependence (from birth to 11 years). At this age, there are usually no serious problems. If adults love a baby, he enjoys spending time with mom and dad, loves them to talk about their affairs.
• Confrontation (12-20 years). Feeling like an adult, the heir tries to contradict his father and mother in everything, seeking his own freedom.
• Independence (21-40 years). Appears in the process of growing up, reaching apogee in middle age.
• Interdependence . The adult person again comes close to the parents, realizing the value of this connection.

It is at the last stage that the psychological problems of intergenerational communication disappear. A son or daughter, having their teenage children, experiences the whole injustice of their attitude towards themselves. Therefore, they become more loyal to their own parents.

Styles of Communication in the Family

They directly affect the child and his attitude towards his parents:

1. Authoritarian . It implies strict guidance and suppression of the baby's initiative. He either closes in himself, or rebels against the older generation.
2. Liberal-conniving. This communication on the principle of permissiveness. The son or daughter ceases to reckon with the opinion of the parents.
3. Hyper-baking . The child grows self-reliant egoist. He constantly appeals for advice to adults, hangs on them their problems.
4. Alienated . The older generation is not interested in the life of the younger. Children become indifferent and strangers. There is no communication as such.
5. Democratic . The correct construction of relationships in the family, where the dominant factor is the possibility of a compromise.

Styles of communication with parents in babies are built on the basis of the above behavioral models. In any case, much depends on the older generation: what kind of relationship style they will set in early childhood crumbs, such fruits will be reaped in the not too distant future.

Friendly family

Everyone is eager to have it, but not everyone is making enough effort to do it. Often both sides - children and parents - accuse each other of intransigence and alienation. Having thrown all the forces on the confrontation, they do not understand: it is only for them to stop from the unnecessary "arms race", how the problem will be solved by itself. It's important to get real quick and take a step forward: even if the relationship was not the best before, they can always be brought closer to the ideal. In the depth of the soul, both generations are trying to find a common ground: this is laid down at the genetic level.

A friendly family is a common interest in maintaining a warm, sincere, comfortable and effective communication between generations. By the way, it is built on four important principles:

• Understanding of feelings and motives of each other.
• Respect.
• Mutual acceptance - without criticism and the desire to change something in a close person.
• Responsibility for actions and words.

Following these simple rules, psychologists say, you can make your family a true role model.

Communication of the teenager and parents

Often it is very stressful. The reason lies in the transitional age of the heir: he feels like an adult, trying to prove his own independence. Parents often do not realize that their little crumbs have grown and continue to dictate their opinions, to impose positions and decisions, to control the offspring in all his actions and endeavors. A guy or a girl should show maximum tactfulness: they must understand that their mom and dad love them, try to protect them from the hard life problems and mistakes, and therefore behave accordingly. The rules of communication with parents at this period should be based on obedience, but with the opportunity to discuss the situation, share points of view and work together to come to the right decision.

The main rule - talk about everything. In doing so, try to ensure that your words are not at variance with the case. They promised to return home at exactly 22.00 - blood from the nose, but come. Otherwise, lose the trust of adults. Be frank with the older generation, do not hide anything and do not deceive: being much more experienced, they can give good advice, for which in the future you will say thank you only. Children should respect their parents - and at this age especially.

Recommendations for Adult Children

If in a transitional period problems usually arise on the basis of misunderstanding, then at an older age, their reasons may be a lack of interest in each other, a banal lack of time, a mismatch of views on the nature of things and people's actions. Therefore, adult children should know how to talk with parents in order to achieve the desired harmony in the relationship:

1. Perceive the father and mother as they are - without false expectations. They are ordinary people with flaws.
2. Learn to listen. Even if you hate serials, courageously experience the retelling of the next fragment. Your mother is crazy about him, so show tolerance: it is not known that you will look at the age of old.
3. Speak "in one language". That is, try to put yourself in their place in this or that life situation.
4. Recognize that parents need to communicate with you.

When you see that a conflict is inevitable, give in. You are already wise enough to go for this little trick: agree with the opinion of the older generation, do it your own way. Continue to respect the father and mother: they gave you life, they brought up - they already need to love for it and silently suffer all their whims.

Mutual respect

About him already said a lot. Now let's take a closer look at what is its essence. Psychologists state: respect is the main pillar, the support, the foundation on which your relationships with parents are built. The features of communication between people of different ages are fundamentally different: young people like to discuss novelties of fashion, popular gadgets, nightclubs, people of the older generation - politics and religion, food prices and own diseases. Often we do not want to hear about the difficult economic situation in the country: we face it every day, therefore, in our free time, we try to free our heads of unhappy thoughts. But if the father wants to discuss inflation, support the conversation. Remember, as a child he taught you riding a bicycle or fishing - now it's your turn to please the Pope.

The rules of communication with parents are also included in your excerpt, when the older generation teaches you, patience - in case of criticism, equanimity - if the opinions are diametrically opposed. Be polite and careful, filter the statements, do not judge strictly and do not behave superficially - these qualities of communication are also very important in the dialogue with native people.

Love

Sometimes it is the most basic among the kaleidoscope of other feelings and sensations. Do not deprive parents of the certainty that you love them. Believe me, it is very difficult for them to realize that their baby has grown up and does not need help anymore. Create the illusion that you really need their support: a daughter can consult her mother about raising her grandchildren or preparing a new dish, the son has the right to turn to his father if he quarreled with his wife or ran into trouble at work. A nice friendly conversation in a relaxed home atmosphere will make the older generation feel your love and deep affection.

The rules of communication between children and their parents are formed throughout life. But know: it's never too late to take the initiative. Even if the father was a tyrant, try to forgive him. Perhaps the pope has long repented, but is silent because of pride. Talk to him, hug, say that you love. Of course, forgiving the abuser is difficult, but it's worth trying. By letting the children offense, you will feel the lightness of being and peace of mind.

Tips for parents

I want to turn to the older generation. Sometimes, even if they are experienced and intelligent, because of intolerance, self-confidence or ambition, they admit elementary mistakes that ruin all attempts of the son or daughter to establish communication. To avoid this negative phenomenon, psychologists give the following recommendations:

• Do not be afraid to change attitudes towards the child, focusing on the degree of his growing up. Remember yourself in youth: most likely, you acted and thought the same.
• Accept the fact that the heir became mature and independent. Build relationships on an equal footing.
• Stop controlling and criticizing. Give freedom to the child: let him make his own decisions, because he has his point of view. Do not be afraid that he can make a mistake - it's even useful from time to time.
• Be friendly and kind. Remember meetings in school and the teacher's communication with parents. So, your dialogue looks the same dry and official, if you do not show warm feelings.

Help if you are asked. But in any case, do not meddle in the soul, if for advice to you do not apply. Just hug the child and stroke him on the head, as in childhood: often this manifestation of feelings is more important than any words.

When the relationship is established

How to determine that the rules of communication with parents brought the desired result? It's actually very simple. Positive "bells" will be the following:

1. Mother or father does not annoy you. They are also happy to see you and do not feel discomfort from the dialogue.
2. Confidence is formed during communication.
3. You are able to trust, speak on equal terms, as with a friend.
4. Insults are forgotten, instead of them your soul is warmed by love.
5. The desire to argue and conflict disappeared. You feel harmony and mutual understanding.

The culture of communication and behavior is a simple alphabet. You can learn it: sit down and sort out your own inner world, put in order there and arrange everything on the right shelves. You have to start with yourself in any case, and only then to introduce the older generation. In this way, you can re-educate your own mother and father. They say that parents are not chosen. But who knows, is it really so. At least, you can precisely set the rhythm of your relations and paint them in new colors.