How to survive unrequited love? How to forget a loved one - advice of a psychologist

A person suffering from unrequited love often feels most unhappy in the whole world. He is able to reach complete despair and would like to free himself from the passion that torments him, but does not know how to experience unrequited love and regain peace and happiness. The hackneyed phrases that time heals or "everything will pass away will pass away", do not bring any relief and are perceived as empty words. Ah, if he or she knew that most of the living also had occasion to experience something like that! And after all somehow they coped, calmed down, met a man who appreciated them, understood and fell in love ...

You can not understand how to forget a loved one? Psychologist's advice that we publish in this article will help you survive the hard times. Be sure to read everything to the end, the information laid out here will help to understand that the situation you are in is not so hopeless and terrible as it is thought.

Unrequited love or one-sided love?

Psychologists say that when a person is in love with one-sidedness, then speech, most likely, is not about love, but about love. In this case, between two people there is no long close communication and the one who is in love, in fact, knows little about the subject of his passion. The eyes are wearing rose-colored glasses, which carefully mask all the shortcomings of the person to whom the tender feelings are directed. It attracts external data or nafantazirovannye dignity, which in fact may not be in sight.

How to survive unrequited love, if it, for example, broke out after one meeting, one stormy night, one romantic date, etc.? One of the two for these short instants was not difficult to be on top, he demonstrated all the best qualities of his nature, tenderness, romance, passion and extinction forever ... The other side decided that she met the ideal and sparked a serious passion for the fictional image.

You object that mutual love relations always begin with the idealization of the image of the chosen one or the chosen one. And you will, of course, be right. But, mutual love makes people gradually get to know each other better and better. Gradually illusions do not withstand the merciless pressure of reality and over time the first fervent feelings either develop into true love, agreeable to put up with all the shortcomings of the chosen one, or pass without a trace, like an acute respiratory disease.

The problem of unrequited love is that it can last for many years to exist indestructible, fueled by fantasies and hopes. About such feelings it is good to read novels and watch movies, but in life it is better to get rid of them quickly. Really, it is such a fleeting one - our life, whether it is worth devoting it to endless suffering!

Unrequited love in adolescence

Especially painfully unrequited love is perceived in adolescence. Even there is an opinion that the first love is always unhappy. In a sense, the unrequited love of adolescents becomes a prophylactic vaccination for them. Having experienced in the early youth the confusion of feelings, most young people become stronger psychologically, more attentive in the future to the subject of their new choice.

Fortunately, most of the adolescents successfully undergo a difficult period, but in particularly vulnerable and sensitive it can drag on. An inferiority complex can develop and this will have a negative impact on building relationships with the opposite sex in the future adulthood.

If a young man or a girl is badly hurt, not knowing how to deal with unrequited love, the support should first of all be provided by the parents. The trouble is that in adolescence, children often move away from close relatives. Those, often, are and are not able to help their son or daughter, because they simply do not know how to behave and how to talk with loving offspring.

How to help a teenager? Psychologist's advice for parents

1. Be as tactful as possible by talking to your child about his feelings. Otherwise, the teenager will close up and will not share his experiences with you anymore.

2. Do not give advice that is suitable for adults (change hair, start fitness, etc.). Better try to explain that his feelings were left unanswered, not because he is bad (not good enough, smart, etc.) Just the feelings of people do not always match, because we are all different and this is absolutely normal.

3. Try to share the memories of your first love. Tell us that once you also did not understand how to experience unrequited love. Be sincere, talking about the experience you have experienced and about the lessons that you learned from it.

4. If you understand that your personal experience is not interesting to your son or daughter, then switch to stories about the fate of the "stars" with which he is interested.

5. If you feel that the teenager has almost coped with inner loneliness, try to entice him with some new business, sport, creativity. You can go on a trip together.

If the parents see that they can not help the child on their own and he goes deeper and deeper into the experience, then it's better to turn to a professional psychologist and search the way out of the situation with him.

In general, teenage love is a very broad topic and requires a separate study. Within the framework of this article, we gave only general brief recommendations. The further information stated in the article highlights the problems and relationships of adults.

Causes of unrequited love

It happens that a person during life repeatedly experiences a feeling of unrequited love. That is, the same situation, "marmot's day" is repeated again and again. This may indicate psychological problems. Such people should pay a visit to a specialist who will help them understand themselves.

At the reception of psychologists there are many visitors with the same type of problems. For example, a woman says: "I suffer from unrequited love!" - and begins to describe his situation. And then in the memory of an experienced psychologist immediately there is a whole string of similar stories about how women choose as the object of their love of men married and happy in marriage or just in love with another girl - ie, the most inaccessible.

Beginning to untwist the tangle of problems of such visitors, the psychologist understands that in their subconscious mind there is a conviction that they are unworthy of love, that dislike is normal for them. And the roots of this psychological anomaly go deep into childhood, when parents are too critical, meticulously and demandingly treated their children, scolding and criticizing for the smallest offense.

Often there are situations where unhappy one-sided love is a choice that is almost conscious. In these cases, women (with men it happens less often) do not feel the need for a full-fledged relationship. They need emotional torment, violent feelings, but not a permanent partner for life. This indicates emotional immaturity and requires psychological correction.

Frequent situations where a person's life is so calm and comfortable in all spheres, that he unconsciously tries to create conditions that would enable him to suffer, complain. This creates an emotional contrast and later makes you appreciate that your past life, which seemed so fresh and boring.

In general, there are a lot of reasons for unrequited love and those that are described here are just a drop in the ocean.

Unrequited love for a woman

We have outlined a list that can help a man win a woman's heart:

1. Persistence and perseverance.

2. Generosity.

3. Romance.

4. Sense of humor.

5. Self-confidence.

6. Noticeable popularity in the opposite sex.

And women adore strength and tenderness in one bottle. These are strange and contradictory creatures. If the girl does not reciprocate, you can try to become her ideal. But if you feel that you can not cope with such a difficult task and your love runs away from you, as from fire, then:

• Do not pursue it. This can cause in her soul even greater negative feelings.
• Try to avoid the kind of suffering victim, do not show others your experiences so as not to cause them to mock. After all, you are hurt without it.
• Despite everything, lead an active life, do not become isolated in solitude.
• Remember that over time your "shares" will only grow. Female beauty quickly withers, and men over the years acquire charm. In addition: for ten girls according to statistics ... then you know yourself.
• Do not start sinking your grief in alcohol. Of this, nothing good will come of it.

Pros of the situation

Imagine that even undivided love can have its advantages - any experienced psychologist will tell you about it. For example, the unrequited love of a guy for a girl can force that, literally, to "turn mountains" in order to achieve favor with his beloved.

This is a huge incentive to self-improvement. The main thing is to act, and not sit weak-willed in tears and snot. Direct the energy that strong love feelings give in order to become better both externally and internally. Try to make your body ideal with the help of sports and fitness, start reading a lot, try to achieve success in your professional activities, etc.

Hard work on yourself will lead to the fact that others will be more interested in you, marvel at the changes, express their admiration for the transformation that has taken place. All this will enhance your self-esteem, self-confidence, open new perspectives, which you never dreamed of before. It may be that soon you will be able to see the person who caused you so much suffering, in a completely different light and with surprise to feel that love has passed.

What should a girl do without answering?

The weak sex in reality is not so weak. Many girls in love prefer not to sigh and think about how to experience unrequited love for a man, but to act very decisively, trying to win reciprocity by any means, including appealing to psychics who promise to make a powerful spell. Immediately say that no one is advised to deal with such dubious things. We give only ethical advice.

If you think that the guy just has not yet seen your virtues and beauty, then psychologists advise in that case, to do something that will help him to open his eyes quickly. And for this you do not need to look at the object of your passion from afar. Try to be close to him! Be feminine and sweet. Clothes and hair, of course, must be flawless. Unrequited love for a man should become for you an occasion to strive for excellence in everything.

We will tell you one secret from a psychologist: let the man show in his presence his best qualities, the ability to perform any knightly deeds. Stay weak, unprotected, contact him for help, and when he gives it to you, do not skimp on praise.

Find out what most of all in this life excites your chosen one. Can he be a fan of boxing or adores to talk about politics? And maybe he likes to read books of some fashionable modern author? Take Action! Try to share his interests and be on the same wavelength with him.

How to survive unrequited love? Psychologists' advice

You read a lot of tips. Most of them concerned situations where there is a prospect to evoke reciprocal feelings. Well, what if there is no such hope at all, what should be done in this case? After all, it is impossible to live, constantly feeling aching in the heart. They say that mental pain is much stronger than physical pain.

You can not help it, you have to pull yourself together and try to reconcile yourself with the idea that the person you are in love with is free and you need to respect his right to this freedom. You all understand, but do not know how to forget your loved one? Psychologist's advice will help to do this. So:

1. Shake yourself, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Down with laziness! Try to upload yourself as much as possible with any activity. If you do not know what to do, start repairs in your apartment or just rearrange the furniture. Give something meaning to the beginning of a new life.

2. Take away the photos of the person you love, his gifts and any things that remind him of him.

3. Start to meet more often with friends, go to the theater, to concerts, to the movies, to parties, etc. But avoid places where you can meet the person you want to forget.

4. Phrases about unrequited love, the thought that you were not appreciated, did not reciprocate, will still come to mind at first. Do not take such thoughts. You can argue mentally or out loud that someday he or she will necessarily regret the missed opportunities, but their train will go away.

5. Recall finally that there are many other representatives of the opposite sex in the world. Perhaps someone is interested in you, and maybe even worried because of unrequited love for you. Try to respond to his feelings. What do you lose?

6. Tear off the "rose-colored glasses". Until now, you have looked at the dignity of a loved one through a magnifying glass. Try to change the pros to the cons. Perhaps you are lucky that this person passed by.

7. Do not get lost in the work, although you will want to do just that. Organize your days so that there is always time for relaxation, for hiking to the stylist, to the pool or to the park for a walk.

8. Remember about close people. Perhaps, while you were focused on your unhappy love, your parents, relatives or friends suffered from your neglect and needed help and support.

9. Pay attention to your health. Stress greatly lowers the defenses of the body, and a weakened organism, in turn, can not withstand stress. You see what a vicious circle turns out! You need vitamins, fresh air, sun, positive emotions - all this increases the level of serotonin in the blood. And serotonin is a hormone of happiness.

10. If you do not want and can not do anything to get yourself out of the depths of despair - this indicates that you have developed a severe depression. It is very difficult to deal with it independently. Try to visit the psychologist's office. Perhaps a specialist will find it necessary to prescribe you antidepressants.

Fight fire with fire

Do you feel so depressed that you do not believe that you can ever be happy? Discard these thoughts! A new love will come, and the old one will be forgotten, just do not close your heart. Monogamous people are very rare among people. Why do you think that you are of their breed?

Concluding remarks

Well, that's the end of our conversation about how to experience unrequited love. If you read now these lines, then the article was read by you to the end, which, in turn, says that you are a non-inert person and try to help yourself and are actively looking for a way out of a difficult situation. We whole-heartedly wish you happiness and mutual love, which (we are sure of this) will necessarily happen in your life!