How to stop screaming at your children

I like one line from a book I once read. There was something like: "If it does not threaten life, if there is no fire in your house, or there is some other emergency, if your child is closer than a distance of half a kilometer, then there is no need to shout at him ".

Influence on children

Cries negatively and directly affect how children see themselves, what they think about this life and their place in the world. But screaming badly affects not only children, but also the parents themselves. They are able to reduce the self-esteem of parents who begin to be ashamed of their behavior and regret what they did.

It is important to remember that when a parent starts screaming, he does not choose what to say, as in a normal quiet conversation.

Why do parents turn to screaming?

If you want to stop yelling at your children, you first need to understand what exactly provokes you to cry. Yes, children are often naughty, but you need to understand why you start screaming, instead of having a heart-to-heart talk.

90% of parents who scream at their children, experienced the same in childhood. Most likely, they hated when their parents shouted at them, but now that's all they know. They use the same pattern of behavior with their children during stress.

Then parents should understand that they will be able to receive an answer only after they stop and stop screaming. The fact is that during crying the child feels very bad, he will try to defend himself, and maybe even begin to take revenge. Because of fear or resentment, he can change his behavior in a very short time, but anger and humiliation will not go away, and very soon such a child will respond the same. A good example is when the parent cry works with very young children. But when they grow older, parents face serious disobedience.

Solution

Thus, if a person realizes that he screams only because he does not know how to behave differently, but at the same time it does not solve the problem, what alternative can there be? Is there a solution?

It is necessary to train yourself to take a deep breath, and only then calmly tell the child what behavior you expect from him.

For example, if a child watches TV or plays at a computer instead of doing homework, it is necessary to say: "You must stop whining and start doing your homework." If a child asks you to buy him another toy that you do not need, you can say: "You can stop pleading right now, or take a break. What do you choose? "If the child went on shouting, most likely, he will not soon settle down. The parent should take his hand and take him to a pre-established place for a while. The child should spend there a few minutes, depending on the age. After that, parents should take the child back and tell him what they expect of him - for example, doing homework.

This new parenting tool will help parents feel more confident, they will be able to compare what they learned in their childhood from father to mother, with a new pattern of behavior, and to understand which one is more effective and which helps in the discipline issue.