How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living: expert advice

There are people for whom the whole world is gray and sad, they are sad, grumpy and always dissatisfied. Nobody wants to communicate with such whiners - they avoid meeting them, they do not answer their calls, and messages are ignored. Someone more bold and straightforward will say to such a person: "Just stop feeling sorry for yourself, everything will turn right, and people will reach out to you." But it's not so easy to do as to say. To help those who are lost in the sea of sadness and sadness, let's understand what kind of feeling this is, where it comes from, what it leads to, how to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start a full-fledged happy life.

Causes

The reasons for this complex and difficult psychological state are many. Here are the most common:

• Envy. Watching the successes and achievements of others, people often wonder why this is not happening to them. For some, this observation gives an impetus to action, while others simply feel sorry for the fact that life is so unfair.
• Laziness. Often, nothing good happens in the life of a person simply because he is too lazy to do anything, perform at least some action to achieve the goal. I want everything to happen by itself. And when this does not happen, the whole world around is to blame for this, and the person himself is so unhappy that everyone around him, including himself, should regret and sympathize.
• Attention and love. Many confuse these two concepts and find nothing better than, for example, drawing attention to the object of love or sympathy through complaints and banal whining: "I'm so tired, pity me," "no one likes me, hug me", etc. The second half sooner or later gets bored of constantly regretting, the relationship is broken, and then self-flagellation goes to a new level: "I'm so unhappy, I told you that no one can really love me" and deep sorrow and depression begin.

This list is incomplete, but, as a rule, many other reasons for detailed investigation are reduced to one of the above points.

Effects

What happens to those who too often and selflessly feel sorry for themselves? Their lives are sad and sad, often they remain alone or they themselves destroy all relationships and connections, they rarely achieve success in work or business.

Unfortunately, pathological self-pity for oneself and for one's life often leads not only to severe psychological conditions and depression. This phenomenon can affect the physical health of a person:

• Arterial pressure. From the state of constant stress and sadness, blood pressure can rise or fall (depending on the characteristics of the body) and ultimately lead to a stroke and other serious illnesses.
• Heartbeat. Under the influence of all the same factors, the pulse then increases, then slows down, which disrupts the normal operation of the main motor of the organism. Consequences: heart attacks, heart failure, etc.
• The digestive tract. Many seize their pity with sweet, flour or fatty foods in excessive quantities, while others, on the contrary, lose their appetite and even feel nauseous. As a result - problems with weight, a variety of diseases of the digestive system, liver, kidney and so on.

And the diseases that have become a consequence of constant stress in the form of self-pity cause even more of the same feeling, and everything starts anew and only gets worse. To break this terrible circle, there is nothing better than stopping feeling sorry for yourself.

Stop Lights

To understand whether the cause of all misfortunes in life is self-pity, it is enough to answer a few simple questions:

• Are all those trials and calamities that fall on their heads deserved?
• Is life fair and does it give a chance for success to everyone?
• Tomorrow everything will change and the world will be better?
• Nobody is to blame for what's happening?
• Old grievances and difficult situations have long been forgotten and no one remembers them any more?
• Do people around the problem are much more serious?

If at least a few questions are given a negative answer, then urgently need to tell yourself "stop" and pick a way how to stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself. Are there any doubts? Then reread the point about the consequences and again we carefully consider everything.

A good start

How to stop feeling sorry for yourself? It is necessary to begin to understand what factors cause this feeling. For this there is an excellent technique:

Step 1. Retire. No one should be around - no family, no friends, no acquaintances, no passers-by. You can close from all houses, you can go to nature or to a small park. The main thing is absolute loneliness.

Step 2. Remove all irritants. If the loose hair interferes, then they must be collected in a bundle or a tail. If a fly or a mosquito buzzes near your ear, you need to find another place or drive out the pest. The mobile phone should be turned off for a while, and the tablet can be completely taken out of sight.

Step 3. Calm down. Here everyone has their own ways: to drink a cup of herbal tea or a glass of not strong red wine, make yourself a point massage or count to ten. It is important to achieve a state of tranquility and tranquility.

Step 4. When the desired state is reached and nothing hinders, you need to get a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Then divide the sheet into two halves and begin to write down in one column those factors, circumstances and phenomena that cause or feed self-pity. For example: excess weight, big nose, low wages, lack of friends, unhappy love , etc. The list should be written, not hurrying, thinking about each item and analyzing all aspects of one's life.

Step 5. Once all the sorrows and sorrows are laid out on paper, you can proceed to fill in the next column. Opposite each item, you must specify a method of elimination. You need to do this without thinking about the opportunities and prospects, that is, a little detached, as if it's about someone else. For example:

• Excess weight - lose weight by 20 kg, do sports and eat right;
• A big nose - learn how to apply makeup correctly and choose a hairstyle to hide this lack of appearance;
• Low wages - find another job;
• Lack of friends - to meet new people;
• Unhappy love - to become beautiful and happy and let him regret who he lost.

If there are complicated items on the list, such as a loss of a loved one or a child's mental trauma, then in the decision column you should indicate the visit of a specialist (psychologist).

You will get an impressive list of problems and their solutions - this will be the instruction for actions called "How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living." Now you need to act and perform what you have written, while keeping the list itself in order to mark off the eliminated stimuli performed by the "plus sign" and delete them with bold lines.

This way is not easy, but to make it a little easier, there are a few tips from experts.

Recommendation 1

How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and crying when there are like-minded people who understand, support and sympathize? These "well-wishers" must be removed from the environment. If you can not get away completely, for example, if they are close relatives, then you need to reduce communication to a minimum. In doing so, choose common themes in conversations: about the weather, about nature, about birds, etc. And do not allow yourself to regret. Suppress, as they say, "in the bud".

Recommendation 2

How to stop feeling sorry for missed opportunities? Use new ones! Every minute of your life you must devote yourself to some sort of business. Find yourself a thousand and one classes. The main thing is that there is no time for pity and reflection on what could be. Work, dance, knitting, sewing, theatrical circle, volunteering, growing flowers on the windowsill and much, much more. So life will become more interesting and valuable, and there will be no time for pity and tears.

Recommendation 3

It is vitally important for a person to communicate with one's own kind, so it's time to get new acquaintances and resume former lost connections. The main thing is not complaining to anyone, otherwise all efforts will be in vain. For friendship, intimate relations or just an interesting pastime, it is better to choose those people who have an active and positive life position. It is not difficult to find a circle of communication today: social networks, dating clubs, various "circles on interests", etc.

Recommendation 4

Happiness and success can be inspired as well as pity and sadness. Every morning, immediately after awakening, and every evening, before going to the world of dreams, be sure to repeat to yourself: "I'm happy. I'm fine, and a new day will bring me only success and luck. " Repeat this is necessary, no matter what, even if there are temporary difficulties or dislocations. Self-expression is a very important good tool for those who are wondering how to stop feeling sorry for themselves.

A small amount of relief

Of course, this list of recommendations is incomplete. Everyone can, if they want, find their own way for themselves, how to stop feeling sorry for themselves and start acting. And if sometimes completely unbearable, then you can give yourself a little relief. For example, once a month, allocate yourself an hour or two of time to realize what happened in life and self-pity. But let this relaxation end not with a prolonged depression, but with a list of new tasks for achieving great goals and victories.