Shyness is a disease or a character trait? How to get rid of shyness?

Many people know the feeling when it's hard to talk to a stranger or do something completely ordinary, but in front of everyone. It seems that everyone is watching with condemnation or ridicule, and just about to collapse a flurry of criticism. Shyness is an embarrassment that does not allow one to lead a normal life, fetters the hands and feet and makes you feel inferior. However, not everything is so simple with this state, which makes you blush or turn pale, once again step aside.

What is shyness?

If you rely on the official definition, shyness is shy modesty, shyness and extreme, sometimes painful caution in words and deeds. In most cases, shyness is closely related to insecurity in oneself, deep personal complexes.

It can not be said that this is just a sweet and harmless eccentricity. In fact, shyness is a serious personal problem that can destroy a person's life, take away from him the opportunity to succeed, find a normal job and arrange a personal life.

Many people experienced a period of shyness and tried differently to cope with it. Someone was given it more easily, someone is heavier, but there are those who lost in this battle. Victims of shyness are quite socialized, because this is not a disease, but only a character trait. But not all traits can be changed or overcome.

Fears of a Shy Man

A shy person has many fears, and only on his sincerity to himself depends, he recognizes it as a fear or prefers the wording "reasonable fears". You can be afraid of anything: put on a bright T-shirt, change your hair, change glasses for contact lenses, get acquainted with the person of the opposite sex ... Shy people do not sing in karaoke bars, do not go to nightclubs and are unlikely to become habitues of ordinary youth parties. If you see someone in the company who tries to pretend to be invisible - it's him, a shy person. The very word "shyness" in structure is very expressive. Personality is beyond the wall. A person withdraws and goes into a blind defense, believing that they do not see whom, they do not attack.

Before the awareness of the problem occurs, the shy person does not even ask how to overcome shyness. On the contrary, this character feature is perceived as a protective armor. Do not provoke what will necessarily cause strong emotional experiences - that's the main task of shyness. And even if this tool does not work or helps only partially, it is familiar and convenient. It's very hard to get rid of him.

Shyness is modesty or cowardice?

When it comes to fears associated with shyness, another definition - cowardice - logically emerges. Perhaps, this is another factor that oppresses painfully shy people, they consider themselves cowardly, and do not forget that this definition is traditionally associated with condemnation, censure and is not justified by any circumstances.

If you select synonyms for the word "shyness", then cowardice, perhaps, should be excluded from the list. This is an incorrect comparison of two externally similar states. More relevant synonyms like excessive modesty, shyness, awkward shyness. But what about cowardice?

Many shy people are quite capable of heroic deeds, of true courage. It is the fruit of a complex process when a timid person exerts universal efforts in order not to succumb to his weakness to such an extent that he generally forbids himself to leave the house. Let the result is invisible to others, it is impossible to depreciate these efforts.

Painful shyness

There are different degrees of shyness, with some manifestations of this character trait it is possible to live and even make friends. However, the painful shyness, which is accompanied by psychosomatic manifestations, becomes a serious test. This is the case when personal efforts are clearly not enough, you need to contact a specialist. This is the problem.

A shy person gets into a vicious circle, because only a good psychologist can help in this state, but shyness does not allow him to turn to a specialist for help. The psychologist will be able to provide qualified help, to reveal the reasons for shyness and imperceptibly to push the patient to the path of recovery and psychological comfort.

If the shyness has developed so much that it prevents you from turning to a psychologist or even asking for help from friends or relatives, then it is already a painful form. Normal timidity manifests itself in an easier form, but if socialization is already close to zero, then you need to take action. It is difficult to get out of this state alone, although there is a likelihood of a favorable outcome.

Psychosomatic manifestations

If we consider timidity as a psychological problem, and not as a reprehensible flaw, we can get rid of one of the main reasons for this phenomenon. To get rid of condemnation is to solve half the problem, which is shyness. This in psychology is considered one of the fundamental methods, when an evaluation judgment on the patient is absolutely unacceptable. However, in addition to psychological problems, the morbidly shy person also has more pressing ones, namely psychosomatics.

If due to shyness begins profuse sweating, tremor of the extremities, disorientation in space and violation of breathing, then we are talking about serious psychosomatic signals. Of course, it is necessary to exclude the presence of a physical disease that gives the above symptoms, but in the body everything is interconnected. No wonder they say that all diseases are from nerves.

Psychosomatic manifestations close the way to salvation from shyness, and with them one must fight to the best of their abilities and abilities. If the psychologist is unable to provide assistance, then the next will be a referral to a psychiatrist who prescribes a mild sedative. Of course, this dulls attention, but also does not give too much worry.

Shyness as a symptom

It is necessary to clearly distinguish shyness, born of child psychological trauma or other negative phenomena, and psychiatric symptoms. Sometimes a painful or even exaggerated shyness is a symptom of a disease that can be medically corrected. You can spend a lot of time on personal growth trainings, meditations and other practices aimed at achieving equilibrium, but if symptoms such as mental disorders, all kinds of manic and depressive states, suspicion are observed along the way, then this should not be ignored.

When shyness attacks

Sometimes we have to admit that strong shyness is a disease, despite the absence of such a diagnosis in medical practice. If a person at first hesitates to smile at another person or becomes timid, when a representative of the opposite sex appeals to him, and then comes to voluntary self-isolation, then it is a powerful attack from a personal problem.

Shyness can sometimes grow to unthinkable dimensions, when it already becomes absurd. In order to prevent this manifestation of shyness destructive for a person, it is desirable to declare a deficit to the extent of forces and possibilities.

Causes of Shyness

First of all it is necessary to understand the reasons that led to such a character trait. Ingeniously shy people do not happen, it's an acquired feature. However, quite often in young children there is a charming timidity. Shyness in children is a kind of unconscious defensive reaction to everything new, unfamiliar potentially dangerous. An aunt's aunt holds out a candy, and the little girl smiles timidly and hides behind her mother. What's happening?

An alien large creature with an unknown purpose seeks to disrupt the child's private space. At the same time he tries to seduce with a delicacy. If the mother at the same time shows anxiety or aggression, then at the subconscious level the child can fix the correctness of such a reaction - contact with other people is dangerous. But open aggression is dangerous, so a defenseless creature takes the tactic of a deer abandoned by the mother - it is trying to become invisible. If you can not become invisible, you need to convince a potential predator that this creature is not a trophy that represents value, but something that is completely unworthy of attention.

Subsequently, this pattern of behavior can be fixed by contact with unfriendly peers - children are cruel. And if the parents do not support the child at the same time and do not give a sense of security, then in the future, it is likely that the difficulties.

Fighting shyness

The most important thing in the battle with shyness is the awareness and acceptance of the problem, plus the first steps. It's worth reconsidering your attitude to failure - mistakes on this thorny path are inevitable, and they are just testing for debugging loose self-esteem. How to get rid of shyness? Perhaps, it is necessary first to mention how it is impossible to do, it will help to reduce the number of failures significantly.

You can not humiliate yourself and scold yourself. Any person who courageously entered into combat with his psychological problem, well done by default. The internal censor, which is invisibly present in every shy person, must be silenced.

There are many ways to get rid of shyness: the already mentioned psychologist, a radical change of team, support of like-minded people. Shy friends also have friends, and their support is extremely important, especially given that shy people have difficulty in establishing friendly ties and their circle of communication is small. There are cases of getting rid of shyness when getting into a fundamentally different collective. Yoga, dance, tourism, even kayak rowing - anything suitable for people of a different formation. You can leave the vicious circle, most importantly - do not give up.

Unwanted extreme

If a person searches painfully for a way how to overcome shyness, he can hit the other extreme. Find even more timid and self-assertive at his expense. To become for another person censor, persecutor and executioner. Yesterday's shy and clumsy eccentrics may well become violent initiators of the persecution. However, this problem will not be solved - in half of the aggressors there is a typical timid loser who is mortally afraid to be on the victim's place. This way to overcome shyness is impossible, it's just hypercompensation, a gesture of despair, and it has a devastating effect on the psyche.

Shyness is not a sentence

Is it really necessary to get rid of shyness and rush to the other extreme - to create an image of a successful person, to include an acting game, to spend hours rehearsing in front of a mirror a dazzling Hollywood smile? Reflecting on how to get rid of shyness, you can choose a comfortable mask, under which to remain just as unhappy, but sooner or later any disguise ceases to work.

Many shy people are adorable for their timidity. In our time, fighting nahr, which previously could have been proud of a unit, has become a platitude. With shyness it is quite possible to learn how to live by building your own comfort zone, which is not allowed to get in trouble from outside. The main thing in this case is not to slide into self-isolation.