Shame - it's emotions, feelings of a person. Psychology of Personality

What is shame, everyone knows. This is an unpleasant sensation that causes an internal imbalance. It can be so strong that it permanently dislodges from the rut, hindering normal activity. How does shame appear (this is a foreign burning feeling), is it worth eradicating it? How to treat him correctly? The answers to all these questions can be found in the article.

Is there a feeling of shame

In fact, the developed personality understands that nothing is completely ashamed in this world. But the nuance is that if you go inappropriately to Red Square, then this will be fraught with at least a conversation with the precinct. First of all, it is necessary to understand that it is bad not to commit any unattractive act. The problem is that shame is a feeling that arises when people who do not understand the situation recognize this action.

All of us are people, and the organism of each of us works exclusively individually. One of us needs more food, water, love, work, entertainment, sports, recreation and so on. Shame is the result of not accepting any behavior by society. After all, there are always people who live by the opposite laws.

The feeling of shame is brought up by the environment

A primitive example can be cited even from the lives of students who live in a dormitory. In the room in which distinguished students live, there is always an atmosphere of purity, order and the desire to learn. Telling neighbors that last weekend went to a nightclub, such a student can not. After all, his deed will be deemed inadequate for an educated, educated person. That is, he will experience shame (this is an unpleasant feeling of guilt for having spent his time irrationally).

There is also a completely opposite room. There is always noise, guests and fun in it. All residents believe that it is not necessary to study, because you can somehow agree with the teachers. In extreme cases, the control can be written off. In this room everyone is constantly dressing up and in the evenings they go to discos or somewhere else. In the company of these students to declare that last weekend spent with a summary of electrical engineering, just unacceptable. As a result, they say that it's boring and wrong to live like this. Such a student will think: "I am ashamed of my friends for the fact that I have become like those kinds of things."

The norms required by society

Since childhood, certain standards of behavior have to be grafted. If desired, becoming an adult, a person improves and perfects them. Among the similar moments can be called such:

1. Wipe your hands on the tablecloth.
2. Publish chomping sounds when eating.
3. Knocking loudly with a fork on the plate.
4. Use a toothpick in front of everyone.
5. Clean your ear with a finger in front of someone and so on.

From childhood we are taught that there are certain norms of social behavior. And to break them is embarrassing. Of course, it all depends on the contingent in which the person gets to. That is, if he is in the ordinary working environment of the simplest people, then the phrase: "I'm ashamed, because I took a sip of tea loudly," - no one will understand. But if the interlocutor is a highly intelligent person, then it is inconvenient even to accidentally hit him with a spoon on the dishes.

Shame in raising children

Unfortunately, very often the concept of shame is simply abused. This is done to protect the child from unwanted actions. For example, a kid plays in the yard and smears new pants. Parents scold him, point out in every way a misconduct. As a result, the phrase "You are not ashamed" sounds. That is, the child gradually realizes that for his misconduct he must feel a certain feeling. He may not see any problem in that he smeared new things. After all, he just took a step to the side, and next to it was a dirty bench, which turned out to be dirty. But apparently, mom and dad do not understand this, so it's much easier to lower your head and show that you can not do without shame.

Unfortunately, gradually such a person becomes withdrawn. He is afraid of saying something and doing it, because any of his actions will be judged as wrong. And everyone will know what feelings he feels at the same time.

An adult who is ashamed

In the world of adults, things are not the same as among children. A grown-up child who has been constantly reproached for doing wrong, causing a feeling of guilt in him , feels uncomfortable. Such a person does not understand that one can do without shame. And those around him intuitively catch his fear.

The likelihood that such a person will fall into the company of extremely kind, gentle people, who are anxious about his feelings, is extremely small. Usually the surrounding people "feel" the weak spots, starting to mercilessly manipulate. They can obviously model any situation in order to cause a feeling of shame. That is, an adult should understand the situation and be able to remove himself from childhood fears of this kind.

Shame in front of people who do not understand

The bottom line is not to give up shame at all. This sensation is an indicator of prohibitions imposed from the outside. Feeling very unpleasant, resembling a burning sensation inside. There is a desire to hide and erase from memory your own misconduct. Is it worth it to feel ashamed before those who could understand what happened, but do not want to do this?

One should convince oneself that any condemnation of any impartial act is a cleanliness. As is known, gays are most condemned by those persons who are deep within them strongly. People who do not really care about such a problem are interested in absolutely other things. And guilt and shame in front of them because of some silly situations or situations that need explanation, just do not arise.

Another example suggests that if you explicitly point a finger at someone, then in fact you point to yourself. If it turned out that the interlocutor committed some involuntary act, then do not point at it and shout about it to the whole street. By such behavior, the one who allegedly follows the order, shows his natural involvement in such things.

Working with shame

An adult should decide for himself whether something is acceptable for him or not. And adhere to people's views. To keep the psyche healthy in this case is much easier. Thus, he will feel a sense of shame solely in front of him.

It is best to treat this sensation as an indicator. The adult person chooses whom to communicate with. That is, if there was an unpleasant burning sensation inside, here, rather, there is manipulation. Maybe real or very old. It is necessary not to suppress the sense of shame inside, but to try, on the contrary, to extract it.

It is necessary, in spite of unpleasant sensations, to disassemble the situation on the shelves. That is, it is necessary to find out:

1. What happened.
2. Own attitude and reasons.
3. Opinion of the interlocutor (one or several).
4. Who knows how and how will react.
5. What to do in the future.

Answers on questions

We need to honestly and without hesitation determine for ourselves what happened, causing an unpleasant feeling inside. Then you need to answer the question about the cause of what happened, but you can not deceive yourself here. That is, the nature of what happened is that the situation was misunderstood, some unacceptable remark was released, an unpleasant act was committed because of poor health and so on.

Then it is very important to understand how the interlocutor reacted to the incident. If his reaction was arrogant, condemning and cruel, then thoughts should arise about how the dialogue with this person in general occurred. Rather, that it is not necessary to closely communicate with him. Also it is necessary to probe those people who can learn about misconduct.

In the future, you need to behave as if nothing had happened. In doing so, one should draw their own conclusions. That is, if the interlocutors turned out to be people who showed cruelty, then communication should be minimized and rejoice for people who always have an exceptionally perfect situation. Because such in nature does not exist in principle.

Who to be friends with is preferable

If a person reacts normally, then you should put him a plus. Also very well characterizes the interlocutor of his ability to pay attention to the situation. But here there is a moment of sincerity, and it must be felt.

That is, you need to communicate with those who are interested in their own lives. Such people will not clog their heads with any peculiarities that have occurred to their comrade. Conversely, if they see that a person is very concerned about something, feels shame, a sense of guilt, then they try to get him out of this state. It often happens that the one who did something like a shameful act did not have a bad intention. And an unpleasant sensation is present. In this case, a real friend will help to see that the act of eating an egg is not worth it.

That is, should we be upset about what we are not really to blame for? The logical answer is that no. It is better to treat shame not as something unpleasant and requiring a bolt in the far corner of the subconscious. It is necessary to perceive this sensation as an indicator. Thus, it will turn out to be useful to him and improve his state of health.