Relations with the husband after a birth of the child have deteriorated. What to do? Psychology of family relations

Alas, today it is often possible to hear a story about how a woman's relations with her husband after the birth of a child have deteriorated. It can not be said that this was not the case in the past, but today's scope of this problem is really frightening. After all, most couples can not stand the family crisis, which subsequently leads to constant quarrels and scandals.

Naturally, it's hard to live in such conditions, moreover, such an atmosphere negatively affects the child's psyche. So let's talk about why people change after the appearance of the baby. What factors affect the atmosphere in the house? And what if the relationship with her husband deteriorated after the birth?

The birth of a child is always stressful

If you think that nine months of pregnancy is a serious test, then you are clearly wrong. In psychology there is such a thing as a "crisis of one year". Its essence lies in the fact that the first year after the birth of a child is the most severe period. It is on him falls the greatest number of family quarrels, scandals and household misunderstandings.

To begin with, it should be noted that this is quite normal. After all, the appearance of a child is a great stress for parents, especially if he is their first-born. In this case, both women and men experience psychological shock. The only problem is that they look at the same things in different ways. This serves as the ground for the emergence of various kinds of disagreements, and subsequently of major quarrels.

And the more time passes, the more clearly a woman realizes the fact that her relationship with her husband has deteriorated. What to do in this case? First of all, it is necessary to stop panicking and try to resolve the issue with cries and reproaches. After all, this behavior will only exacerbate the current state of things. It is more reasonable to understand what caused the discomfort in the family, and only then start to correct it.

Invisible wall

That the relationship with her husband after the birth of the child has deteriorated can be understood by the atmosphere that reigns in the house. Sometimes it seems that an invisible wall forms between the spouses. And the longer they remain inactive, the thicker and coarser it becomes. Therefore, to prevent the problem from developing into a one-year crisis, one should try to solve it immediately after returning from the hospital.

To do this, let's look at the main differences in women's and men's psychology. What are the priorities of life for each of the spouses? And why do they so often make unreasonable claims to each other?

Features of women's worldview

The woman is the mother. These two words clearly illustrate the essence of the behavior of girls during and after pregnancy. That is, in the first place, a woman always puts others, regardless of her type of character and worldview. Naturally, there are exceptions, but in most cases this is the case.

Therefore, it is not surprising that women after the birth of a child go into the care of their child. It is quite logical for them that everything should revolve around their crumbs, since it is the long-awaited fruit of love. This is a maternal instinct, thanks to which our species was able to overcome all the hardships and deprivations of the evolutionary struggle.

The problem is that sometimes girls go too far into this process. After all, it's one thing when a child is given a justified share of attention, and quite another, when his mother ceases to see the rest of the world. Therefore, you need to be able to control your love, so as to soberly assess the necessary amount of care.

Hormone mischievous

The first months after childbirth are the heaviest. The reason for this - the instability of the hormonal background and postnatal malaise. This leads to the fact that the mood, like a merry-go-round, then rises, then falls again into the abyss. Such differences affect the woman's psyche, making it less resistant to conflicts.

Therefore, there is nothing surprising in that on such days to bring a girl to a nervous breakdown can even a small quarrel. Not to mention the fact that the reason for it is any trifle. Of course, in a few months her mood will return to normal, but only during this time the family crisis can reach the point after which serious problems will follow.

The egocentrism of men

To say that all men are egoists is wrong. But at the same time they are not inclined to such devotion as women, because of this they constantly reflect on who is in charge of the house. Therefore, at best, they perceive the child as an equal, and at the worst, they put themselves first. Consequently, they do not perceive the situations when they are deprived of their usual care and love.

Simply put, they begin to feel jealous of their child. Naturally, she is not as evil as in the case of a male competitor, but still she is. This perception of the world leads to the fact that the spouse begins to involuntarily seek confirmation that he is deprived or somehow ignored. In this case, take into account any little things: how many times he was told a good word, fed him in the morning, whether smiling in response and so on.

It is clear, these thoughts will soon grow into insults, and then break out. First, the husband starts to make reproaches, then raise his voice, and all ends with a grandiose scandal. And then the young dad will no longer want to control his emotions, and such skirmishes will be repeated more and more often.

At this point, it should be stopped, explaining the real state of things. Firstly, they did not cease to love him, just now these feelings have moved to a new level, more complex and demanding. Secondly, such behavior will not lead to anything good, since a harmonious family life can not be built on jealousy and scandals.

Man and Sex

Girls and boys have different life priorities. So, for the first, feelings and mutual understanding are the key to a happy marriage. But men add to this list of sex. After all, without it, they do not represent their family life. The trouble is that during pregnancy they are shielded from most bodily pleasures, which certainly leads to sexual hunger.

The only thing that consoles them is the dreams of normal sex after childbirth. Alas, in most cases, their hopes are shattered. This can be explained by the fact that during breastfeeding women are not particularly attuned to sex. Such a mechanism is inherent in nature, and nothing can be done about it.

However, men do not understand this. Consequently, they begin to blame their "hunger" for their wives, as if they deliberately deny them intimacy. Again, similar thoughts sooner or later pour into reproaches, which clearly do not improve the atmosphere in the house. Therefore, you need to avoid long breaks in sex, even if the woman does not yet feel the former fuse and passion.

The complexity of the first year

Another important factor affecting the relationship in the family is fatigue. In the first year the child is capricious from morning to night, thus pouring oil on the fire. And the worst part is that you can not help it, because at that age children can not control their behavior yet.

It remains only to realize: the problem is not that the child wakes up at night and wakes everyone up, but that you have not yet adapted to it. You need to adjust yourself to the fact that these are only temporary inconveniences that are necessary for the highest good. Only in this way can you strengthen your spirit and experience these difficult times.

Inaction is not an option

Regardless of why relations with a husband after the birth of a child have deteriorated, inaction will be the worst way to solve this problem. The longer an invisible wall between you, the more difficult it is to destroy it. That's why psychologists recommend starting to build relationships as early as possible.

It does not matter who is in charge at home. More importantly, who will take the first step towards each other. But again, men are less accommodating in this matter, therefore the role of a parlementer often falls to a woman. The reason for this behavior lies in the fact that representatives of the strong half of mankind are accustomed to seeing themselves as soldiers made of flint. And they do not want to show sentimentality and limp on trifles.

Of course, such a situation does not quite suit women, because they have to sacrifice their pride. But in this case we are talking about the preservation of the family, and therefore will have to choose between the common good and their ambitions. In addition, in the future, men also have to do a lot of work in order to achieve harmony in the family.

It all starts with a conversation

The first step is the most difficult, because at that moment the heart is overwhelmed with doubts about how this will be perceived by another person. But we must understand that expectation torments the soul in the same way, and maybe even more. Therefore, one should not postpone the conversation with her husband in the long box, and immediately go to the root of the problem.

When talking with your loved one, you need to rely on the following rules:

• First, the dialogue must be bilateral. That is, it is necessary to achieve an atmosphere in which both sides will talk about their problems, worries and anxieties.
• Secondly, it is necessary to maintain warmth in words. Remember: this is a conversation between two lovers, and not the negotiations of countries that have been warring with each other for centuries.
• Third, do not hide anything. Even a small secret or reproach can lead to the fact that in the future this situation will happen again.

An important place is the place for conversation. It would be best to create an atmosphere of romance, so that the aura of peace and love around her would be alive. In this case, alcohol is recommended to be excluded, since in this case it will rather harm the conversation than lead to positive results. But the tasty food, on the contrary, contributes to the development of dialogue, it is not for nothing that all diplomatic missions are accompanied by lavish banquets and feasts.

The first underwater rock

The trouble is that not every young father is ready to discuss his problems. Again, the fault is the whole syndrome of the warrior, which makes men to be an impregnable rock. Such emotional stamina, on the one hand, attracts, and on the other - suggests that your spouse is a real log.

In this case, it will be difficult to solve the problem by talking, since the husband can simply brush it off. But you can not give up, you need to constantly push the man to this issue, hinting at its importance. You can apply any tricks, ranging from a smile and ending with a tempting offer to discuss everything in bed.

It should be understood that conversation is the basis of everything. Only he will help to understand why relations with her husband have deteriorated. After the birth of a child, there are a lot of such factors, and therefore you can not determine them in other ways.

We are now three

Many parents try to adapt to the appearance of children, living by the old rules. The truth is that such a method constantly fails, since it is designed only for two. But now the family has become bigger, which means it's time to make changes in the habitual way of life. And first of all, we should focus on the following principles:

1. Attention deserve all. The child is capricious almost always, but this does not mean that you need to give him all the free time. Learn to allocate a few hours and to be alone, in a loving atmosphere. It will rally your family and not let it burst like a balloon.
2. No cries in the house. Of course, avoid all the scandals will not work, but you can reduce them to a minimum. Just agree that for some time you will refrain from high pitch and mutual reproaches. Remember: this behavior not only strengthens the marriage, but also has a positive effect on your child's psyche.
3. Mirror effect. The essence of this principle is to regularly put yourself in the place of your partner. Think about how difficult his day was, what he lacks, and how you would behave if you were in his place.
4. Full parents. Do not raise a child alone, because a man is a father. The child wakes up at night - go to take turns to lay it, busy in the kitchen - let it watch the crib, it hurts your throat - let it sing the lullaby with your bass.
5. Seek help from others. Often young couples run to exhaustion simply because they do not have the courage to ask for help from their relatives. Of course, there are grandmothers and grandfathers, on whom it is terrible to leave children. But remember that you are also living people, and you need time for yourself.

Father's Instinct

It so happened that in women, the maternal instinct is included immediately after birth. However, men are different. In order to reach their subconscious, you need time and a special approach, otherwise they may develop subconscious jealousy for their child.

So, how to awaken a man's original instincts? In fact, everything is quite simple: you need to leave it as often as possible with your son or daughter alone. But for some reason most mothers are afraid to take this step. They are sure that this will lead to irreparable consequences, as if it were not their man, but some kind of beast.

But the truth is that fathers cope with their duties no worse than mothers. The only thing is, they need more time for training, since everything has to be learned from scratch. It is important to fully support the spouse and, if necessary, give small clues. And soon the pope will not only forget about jealousy, but will become a real helper for his mother.

Method of carrot and stick

Remember the period of courtship? When a man presents a girl with many flowers and gifts, and she fosters and caresses for it. So, the first year after the birth of the child should be perceived as a period of courtship in the sense that you need to return the former tenderness in the relationship. A woman needs care not only for the child, but also for her man. Naturally, during this period this is a difficult task, but no one said that it would be easy. Therefore, the wife must do everything possible to show her husband his love and the fact that she has not changed after the addition in the family.

However, if the girl takes care, and the guy does not reciprocate with her, then it's time to move on to the whip. That is, remove from the family life all those joys that inspire the man. At the same time, one should point out the reason for this behavior, so that he knows why this happens. By the way, men do not understand hints, so it's better to speak directly, explaining what exactly does not suit the girl. Thus, it will be possible to save time and avoid possible misunderstandings and joint insults.

If the relationship has reached a dead end

Alas, not always it is possible to solve the problem of the spoiled relations by means of conversations and female tricks. Sometimes it happens that the married couple has come to the point from which it is already difficult to go back. And then the only sure solution is to go to a psychologist. The trouble is that such methods are considered ineffective in our country.

But believe that this decision will help save your family. After all, a good specialist can not only listen, but also give the right advice. Carrying out them, the couple herself will not notice how life will begin to acquire bright colors again. Therefore, it is worth throwing aside all stereotypes and starting to solve problems in the way they deserve. After all, it depends not only on the fate of the family, but also on the future of the child.