Psychology. I hate my mother

Often, family relations cease to seem safe, and gradually life turns into a zone of military operations. Often a conflict arises between the child and the parents. The son hates the mother, or the daughter - a similar situation can appear in almost any home. And quite often it is not accompanied by serious quarrels. It appears for no apparent reason, just from scratch. But the reverse situations are also possible when a child grows in adverse conditions and is constantly attacked by adults.

Regardless of the conditions of life, parents, in whose address the angry phrases about hatred are directed, experience far from the most rosy emotions. After all, adults usually not only repeat, but they themselves believe that they live for the sake of children. In their opinion, they do not deserve such attitude to themselves. Or did you deserve it? Why do children hate the mother? There are a variety of reasons. And some of them will be described in the review.

Difficulties of growing up

This behavior from the adolescents is frightening. And what is even more frightening, often children not only pronounce such a phrase, but also believe in it. Yes, and then act as if they sincerely hate. At the same time, relations in the family can be quite peaceful, normal, when parents are completely sane and try to find a common language with children.

Mother hates daughter (or son) - this is familiar to many. Usually, such a situation is attributed to difficulties that are characteristic of the transition age, when a teenager begins to grow up, tries to find his place, to understand the meaning of existence. At the same time, the child's conclusions usually do not coincide with the opinion of the older generation, because of which misunderstanding arises, and then conflicts arise.

Main reasons

In some situations, the transition age goes smoothly. However, situations when life turns into a nightmare, also occur quite often. What are the reasons for this behavior of a teenager?

1. An incomplete family, one mother is hard to cope with, so she begins to rip off anger on the child, for which she receives in return.
2. What other reasons can cause the phrase: "I hate my mother"? Let's say the family is complete. However, parents can hate each other, which negatively affects the child.
3. The phrase can be caused by a total lie when parents have relationships on the side.
4. Hatred often appears if there are several children in the family, and some love more, and some less.
5. What kind of mother do they hate? The child can feel the feeling of hatred towards that mother, who does not pay attention to him at all, does not care and does not support in difficult moments.

The above reasons are the brightest. They demonstrate that the family is not all as smooth as we would like. Children feel such situations on a subconscious level, which is why they begin to pronounce such phrases as "I hate my mother."

However, problems can be solved by correcting the situation. But this should be wanted first of all by one of the adults. It is enough simply to accept that troubles still take place, and to find an experienced specialist who is able to normalize relations in the family.

When aggression manifests itself on level ground

Problems can arise and for no reason. For example, in the family the situation is normal, but the teenager still disrupts anger. Because of what there are similar situations? Never forget that the behavior of the child is just a symptom. He signals that there is some problem even if at first glance everything is fine.

In such a situation, psychological help is needed primarily for parents, not for the child. Only a specialist will be able to find problems and eliminate them painlessly for all family members. Otherwise, the child will simply lead to a nervous breakdown.

Incorrect education

There is a possibility that certain mistakes in upbringing can lead to the phrase: "I hate my mother." Naturally, there are a lot of them, it's not worth to list everything. However, most mistakes are often reduced to excessive restrictions, various prohibitions on the part of the older generation.

Perhaps the parents painted their children's lives by the minute, not allowing them to deviate from the planned plan. At the same time, they think that they are doing the right thing, bringing only good. However, adolescents begin to feel that they are trapped, they are no longer free enough. They may break down, accept this circumstance, accept the rules of the game, or they may manifest aggression.

It should also be noted that the reaction to prohibitions may not manifest itself immediately, but it will manifest itself when anger accumulates and there are forces that are enough to resist the parents. And then the question will arise, why an adult son hates his mother. Or the daughter will not feel the best feelings for her parents when she grows up.

Reasons of excessive guardianship

A daughter or a son hates a mother ... Such a situation can be the consequence of a hyperope. How can we communicate with children so that there is neither excessive guardianship nor permissiveness? First, it is worthwhile to talk about why many parents seek to take care of their child.

First, there may be beliefs that education should be strict. Otherwise, the child will simply roll down the slope. And the higher the manifestation of rigor, the stronger the love from the parents. And this means that the child will be happy too. But such a view rarely leads to positive results.

Secondly, parents can be afraid that their children will necessarily make a lot of mistakes. This reason is similar to the first, but less global. If the first case of parents frightens the unfortunate fate of a teenager, in the second they are simply worried about how he would catch a cold or snooze a deuce.

Thirdly, parents can stop feeling needed if they stop controlling children. And if the child is independent, it turns out that they live in vain? But, again, this opinion is erroneous.

Does the mother hate her daughter? Psychology admits that one of the above reasons is one of the reasons for this, which is not capable of establishing a good atmosphere in the family. But it's quite possible to bring to even more serious conflicts. It is necessary to understand how to be in such situations, how to behave.

Hunting to be necessary

Does the son hate his mother? Psychology admits that wine is served by the desire to "be necessary" to your child. Such a desire signals that there is a complex of unclaimedness, and most importantly, dislike for themselves for it from the side of parents.

In this situation, thoughts begin to appear that if I do not need anyone, then I exist in vain. Instead of rejoicing at the successes, independence of their children, parents start to take offense and form new and new prohibitions. It is because of this that conflict situations often arise.

Many parents believe that if they do not control their child, then they will start making mistakes. On the one hand, this view is absolutely correct. However, it is worthwhile to understand that the child will in any case perform them. Otherwise, it's impossible. To learn not to do stupid things, a teenager must first do it and remain dissatisfied with the results.

Adequate approach to prohibitions

A teenager hates his mother? To avoid such situations, we must immediately understand where the prohibitions are needed, and where not. For example, you can experiment with cooking if you do not have something poisonous in the kitchen. Repairing a bicycle is also possible. But to communicate with the outlet is not worth it, it's dangerous.

It is necessary to understand that you can achieve something worthwhile only on your own experience. And that the child has acquired it, parents should not constantly interfere with advice and recommendations. It is easy enough to determine what is dangerous and what is not. And if in the first case control is necessary, then with the second the child is able to figure out independently.

An unenviable fate awaits the child

How do fears arise that the fate of a child without constant supervision will necessarily be bad? The causes of fear are usually the same for all parents. If a girl is in the family, an early pregnancy, narcotic drugs and prostitution are waiting for her. The boy will necessarily climb into crime, will begin to fight constantly and will also take drugs.

In this situation, the question arises whether control helps to avoid such a part. Unequivocally, you can not answer it. In some situations, this saves, but in others, on the contrary, it pushes everything bad. No wonder they say that the forbidden fruit is sweet.

What does strict education lead to?

A hyperopeak can cause another serious danger. The child will simply get used to being controlled, constantly detained and forbidden. Over time, he will stop paying attention to the words of his parents. Accordingly, this will lead to the fact that he begins to violate everything that is possible, especially not understanding the situation. And in this he will be guided by two principles. Either parents will come in and protect, protect from problems, or they will still be punished, so why not do it.

Instructions from parents in this situation, he will perform exactly the opposite. For example, if he was told that you can not walk without a scarf in the winter, he will certainly try to go out without him. And if you do not get sick, and there will be no problems because of this, then other parental prohibitions do not make any sense in themselves.

It may seem that an unclothed scarf and drugs are too far apart from each other. But in the child's psyche they stand side by side with each other, because, according to the parental rules, almost everything is forbidden. Accordingly, in this situation, reasonable boundaries cease to be developed. And that's why you want to break the prohibitions.

In an empty spot?

What if the daughter hates the mother? Or maybe the son feels negative feelings towards his parents? Outbreaks of aggression can manifest themselves from scratch, when restrictions with restrictions are reasonable and few, and peace and order reign in the family. Such situations are rare, but happen.

It is necessary to understand that the child will sooner or later come out into the big world and try to occupy a certain place in it in order to avoid collisions with difficulties. Because problems with peers can be quite painful.

In such a situation, children will begin to disrupt anger on their parents, since it is impossible to conflict with classmates, one can run into even bigger problems. And parents obviously will not respond the same. And loving mothers are not at all capable of showing negative emotions towards their children. Such situations are offensive, wrong, but it happens.

However, it is not worth mentioning that parents are completely innocent in such situations. First, the child unconsciously understands that the cause of many problems in relations with classmates is the result of education. And secondly, allowing rudeness about yourself, you can sometimes hear the phrase: "I hate my mother." Such situations are paradoxical, but they do happen.

In families where it is customary to treat each other with respect, there are usually no grounds for such phrases. Often this happens only if the mother initially placed herself in the position of "servants".

Problem solving

I hate my mother, what should I do? To cope with such a manifestation of aggression, it is necessary to change the position. But this is not so simple, as it is required to work on yourself, to revise principles and own behavior. And it will have to change both for adults and for children.

On the other hand, the emotions of children need an outlet. Therefore, it is not recommended to attach much importance to negative manifestations. But this is allowed only in the event that there is an opportunity to talk, discuss what happened, learn about the true reasons. This situation is ideal, because both parents will calm down, and the child realizes his feelings.

Finding an exit from the situation

What if the child hates the mother? Regardless of the difference in character, bad relationships, it is almost impossible to stop loving your mother. However, because of conflicts and constant quarrels, life turns into a nightmare. For this reason, we must try to find a way out of the situation.

Most importantly, do not forget that the mother will not cause pain, spoil life specifically, just because she wants it. She just thinks that all her actions are beneficial, and in the future you will thank her for that.

Below are some tips that will help you deal with the situation, resolve the conflict.

1. You just need to talk heart to heart. Try to convey to her that you appreciate care, grateful for the help, but you need a completely different one, you want to achieve other goals, rather than those that your mother sets before you.
2. In no case can not break, say bad words. Such behavior will only exacerbate the situation. And this will only make Mom sicker and more offensive.
3. If you are an independent person and do not want to be under constant influence from your parents, find a way to prove it. Start making money, living separately. In such a situation, it will be possible to avoid constant monitoring by parents and acquire personal space. And free time can be spent at own discretion.
4. Perhaps Mom considers herself lonely? Make it feel right, help find the meaning of life. Perhaps she just needs a friend, with whom you can walk, talk about the pressing issues. Maybe she'll find her passion. The main thing is that in her life there is as little as possible place for negative emotions.

What should parents do?

First, one can not always command his children, constantly demand something from them, psychologically pressure them. It is best to try to find a compromise, agree with each other, listen carefully to the opinion of the child. Naturally, he will agree with your point of view, but all the same inside will conceal an insult, which later will necessarily make itself felt.

Secondly, do not forget that children have their own lives. She needs to be interested. Do not avoid contact with the child, learn about his experiences and help with advice. Mockery should not be, even if the problems seem trivial and stupid. For children, all their troubles look global, crisis. Therefore, they need help and support. And if all this does not happen, then they will not experience any positive emotions to their parents.

Thirdly, it is necessary to try to find a common language with the child, become a friend for him, accepting all the shortcomings and dignities. Parents should just feel in the body of a teenager. Feeling all the grievances experienced, overestimating difficult situations, you can form a wonderful relationship. But do not forget that it is necessary to work constantly to keep the relationship.

Conclusion

Mother hate daughter or son? Do not treat such an event as a tragedy. This is just an indicator that there are problems in relations, and they need to be sorted out, to find a way out of the situation.

Remember that there are two settings - child and adult. In the first case, parents become frightened and offended. And this only aggravates the current situation. In the second case, parents try to deal with the problem. Which setting is close to you? But it can be said with certainty that if the problem is not solved, then more than one time you will have to hear the phrase: "I hate my own mother!"