Uncontrolled children: norm or pathology? Age crisis in the child. Parenting

Unfortunately, many parents are faced with such a situation, when one day they notice that their child has become uncontrollable. This can happen at any age: a year, three or five years. Parents are sometimes difficult to withstand the constant vagaries of the child. How to behave with children in such cases and how to influence them? Let's talk about this in more detail.

External manifestations of disobedience

What do ungoverned children look like? External manifestations can be very different. Children are very inventive in this regard, and every kid consciously or unconsciously chooses his own line of conduct. Surely, each of you saw a child yelling for no apparent reason and something requires parents, while he does not listen to the arguments of the elders and is not going to calm down. Parents can not always in such cases calm their children, especially if such incidents occur in crowded places. And, as a rule, it is in public places that a child does not obey. He tries to grab items that can not be taken, actively runs, and responds to remarks of outsiders in the best way.

Such situations can develop in different ways. The child can calm down, but after a while again repeat the hysterics. And it happens that the kids behave in the kindergarten and in the playgrounds, but at home all relatives are harassed by their behavior. Why does the child not obey and show disobedience to others? Where do unregulated children come from?

To answer all these questions, you need to understand the reasons.

Causes of uncontrollability of children

The reasons for uncontrollability can be very different:

1. Psychophysiological (congenital features in development). In such cases, specialists point to the presence of hyperkinetic syndrome in a child, which manifests itself in excessive chaotic and involuntary movements. A similar pathology is characterized by behavioral disorders. In such situations, parents do not hurry to go to the doctors, because they do not know that such a state is not normal and the child needs to be treated.
2. Age crisis in the child. If you started to notice that the baby regularly throws his toys, does not listen to you, and responds to all the comments with hysteria, then most likely the reason for this uncontrollability lies in the age crisis (the crisis of one year, three years, six to seven, adolescence ). The child's age crisis is quite normal. This stage is all normal children. At all events in their lives, kids react with whims and hysterics, and at an older age, laziness and stubbornness are a characteristic manifestation. Children grow and develop, they learn the world, discovering for themselves a lot of everything new and unknown. At such times, parents should pay more attention to their children.
3. The unfortunate child. Uncontrolled children sometimes demonstrate their inner misconduct by their behavior. Their cries are signals of help. So they try to show that they have problems.
4. Incorrect behavior of parents. Adults who do not have sufficient pedagogical experience create incorrect conditions for raising children. Sometimes parents themselves provoke a rebellion in the baby or, conversely, encourage his whims. Children, as you know, are not born bad. They behave the way parents let them do it. The behavior of our children affects absolutely everything: whether we allow them something or forbid, whether we are indifferent to them or attentive. Unmanaged children, as a rule, are the result of illiterate upbringing of adults who do not have minimal pedagogical skills. Such parents do not want to engage in babies and delve into their children's problems.

Hyperactive children

If a child is happy with hysterics, what should I do? As we have already mentioned, one of the possible reasons may be the hyperactivity of the baby. For children with increased excitability, uncontrollability is a common thing. Such babies, even with a great desire, can not control their behavior. What should parents do that faced such a problem?

First they need to study the behavior of a child with increased excitability. It is necessary to understand, than such kids differ from others. But this does not mean that your son or daughter should be hysterical. Disobedience can manifest itself in the active expression of emotions, desires, rapid movement, a sharp change in activity. The child may not respond to comments or calm down at your request, but not for long. Manifestations can be very different. The main feature of hyperactive children is restlessness, which delivers unnecessary worries to parents, and at the same time keeps the baby in constant emotional tension.

Methods of dealing with hyperactivity

If your child yells, you should show maximum peace of mind and understanding. Always remember that your aggression will engender a counter aggression from the side of the baby. You need to learn to be tactful and try to negotiate with the child, no matter how old he is: one year old or ten years old. We, as adults, should be able to restrain their emotions, we are able to do it. But the children do not know how to do it. Remember, if your son sees that you are absolutely calm, then after a while he will also calm down.

Experts recommend to introduce for the hyperactive children a strict regime of the day. The fact is that such babies need to constantly engage in something. Compliance with the regime, prolonged sleep at night and an after-dinner rest will significantly reduce nervous tension. The child must clearly understand what he will do in each period of time. Such workload will help reduce the manifestations of uncontrolled behavior, when idleness begins whims and leprosy. Even the smallest child can be charged with any duties that he must perform independently.

Neurologists strongly recommend giving hyperactive children to sports. This method of dealing with the "problem" will help find a useful application for the excess energy of the baby. The child must love the sport. If he does not like one species, you can switch to another, and so on until the baby finds something that he likes. Lessons in the section will help not only to throw out excess energy, but also to relieve aggression, as well as learn to be disciplined.

In addition, adults should understand that if there are signs of hyperactivity in your son or daughter, you need to turn to such specialists as a children's neurologist and a psychologist. Neurologists will help to find out whether there are congenital pathologies from the nervous system and the brain, and the psychologist can find the reasons for uncontrolled behavior.

Behavior of parents

Some experts say that there are no uncontrollable children, there are simply parents who can not cope with their children. Even 1 child in a family with poor behavior can create big problems for adults.

We sometimes do not notice how babies grow quickly and begin to gradually fight for attention to themselves. They want to assert themselves. As a rule, this can be manifested in the form of all kinds of protests against excessive guardianship, strict rules of behavior or, conversely, the indifference of adults. Sometimes parents behave in such a way that their behavior only stimulates capriciousness and disobedience of children.

The most common reason for the children's demonstrative and uncontrolled behavior is the lack of attention from their parents. Adults may not be interested in the affairs of their offspring, or spend little time with them, which encourages children to take inappropriate actions. After all, for a person there is nothing worse than indifference, especially when it comes to children. They try to attract the attention of adults by any means.

Similar problems arise in families in which parents are inconsistent in their demands: mom and dad say the opposite things, do not hold back their promises, etc. In such families, even 1 child quickly begins to manipulate adults, and two children in general are able to turn life into a nightmare. And parents are guilty in this situation. All adult members of the family must agree on a common tactic for the upbringing of children.

What does mom feel?

Sometimes it is very unfortunate for the parents of ungovernable kids. Often, strangers unreasonably allow themselves to express their discontent with the mother of young neposeda, who can not cope with the child. Of course, it is very simple to condemn someone when you have no reason to do so.

A woman, confronted with the complex behavior of her child, can react differently. Her reaction depends, first of all, on her psychological characteristics. Some mothers respond to stress with logical inhibition, and outwardly to people this may seem like an unnecessary calm and even indifference. Other women, on the contrary, begin to closely monitor their child. Both options are not very successful.

If the mother is ashamed of the behavior of the child - this is wrong. Of course, she realizes the problem and tries to influence the situation, looking for reasons in herself. But the child should be treated with love and understanding. Also erroneous is the behavior of those mothers who fully justify the actions of their children, writing off all the blame on teachers, educators, others. Such a woman can form in the child a very distorted view of reality.

In any case, the surrounding people should be sympathetic to the mothers of children with problem behavior.

Crisis of 1-2 years

Practically at any age with uncontrolled behavior you can cope with the right approach. An ungovernable child in a year or two is not a reason for much anxiety. At such a tender age, babies can be influenced by any means: distract your favorite toys, sweets, interesting games. To the child it is necessary to show a number of requirements, which he must perform: to collect toys to the best of his strength, eat, sleep, the Kid must clearly understand the word "no" and realize the prohibition.

The crisis of 3-4 years

At 3-4 years old children make their first attempts to learn independence, they all try to do it themselves. Little explorers climb everywhere in search of something unknown and new. If the child is behaving well, he must be praised and encouraged by a smile. But scold kids is not necessary, you need to gently direct them to the right side.

The crisis of 6-7 years

In 6-7 years there is an intensive development of cognitive activity of the child. Children begin to learn, they enter a new regime and a huge society. The task of parents is to help the child join the new collective and learn how to live in it. At this age, children receive the first serious communication lessons.

Teenage crisis

At the age of nine and older, hormonal changes begin, which in turn affect the behavior of the child. Students quickly grow, develop, change their interests. Teenagers need to pay much more attention, it is very important for them to have the support of parents and to feel their understanding. Children need to be educated by optimists. It's worth finding common hobbies and spending time together. And do not forget that you must be an authority for your son or daughter.

Fundamental rules

If you are confronted with childish uncontrolled behavior, then you should follow the following rules:

1. It is necessary to be consistent in their actions, deeds and promises.
2. The child must clearly learn the prohibitions.
3. With children it is necessary to communicate on an equal footing, respecting them and reckoning with the opinion.
4. At any age the child must observe the regime of the day, this will help to bring up discipline in him.
5. You can not scream at children and read them notations.
6. An important point is communication. As much as possible, it is necessary to spend with children, being interested in their affairs and problems.

Instead of an afterword

If you are confronted with uncontrolled behavior in your child, then it is worthwhile to think about the reasons for the situation that has arisen. Attentive parents who devote a lot of time to their baby will be able to normalize behavior. But do not forget that you are an example for your child, so try to be worthy of imitation by a person.