How to Learn to Refuse

It is extremely difficult for some people to refuse, the word "no" in their vocabulary is practically absent. They respond to any requests, rush to the rescue, do what others need only because they can not refuse. In the soul, such people are always angry with themselves for their unreliability, but also in the event that they find the strength to refuse, then they also eat themselves. They are afraid to offend, seem ill-mannered, callous, inattentive and indifferent. And they invariably become victims of manipulators.
Familiar, close and colleagues of such people get used to their trouble-free operation and take help for granted.
Psychologists believe that at the root of such "trouble-free" is fear. A person behaves this way when he is afraid of loneliness, fear of being rejected and unloved.
The reason for this behavior can be self-disapproval and self-displeasure. The roots of these feelings lie in childhood. If the child's parents constantly let him know that they love him for something (good behavior, assessments, etc.), and not just because they expressed their discontent too often, in adult life a person will constantly seek the approval of others. And one way to get approval is to provide a service or help.
Therefore, people who do not know how to refuse, first of all, need to get rid of feelings of fear and discontent with themselves. This may require the help of a qualified psychologist.
The next step should be the ability to refuse correctly.
For example, for those who are ready to talk for hours on the phone about their problems, you can prepare this phrase: "Forgive me, five minutes later I'm running away!", Or "Urgently need to finish the job."
The head, accustomed to using the reliability of his employee, you can hint that overtime will affect the quality of the work as a whole or will not be reflected in the best way on health. Lovers can borrow instead of a sharp "no" say: "Now I do not have this opportunity."
You can use such a form as a refusal with gratitude. The main thing is to remember that you can refuse, because you have the right to own life and freedom of choice.