If the Heart Cries From Love To A Friend, Better Be Silent!

Have you heard of such a thing as a woman's intuition? So, she let me down. All my senses screamed "Here it is your chance to be together!". And after a long months of self-flagellation, there was only one question left. Where was my brain that night? Did you take a day off? At such a crucial moment he left me. No, I know the answer. Obsession, stupidity and selfishness tied him up. And they did not let me stop.

My heart was beating like mad when I cooked dinner. Glasses for wine, meat, mashed potatoes, Greek salad. White tablecloths. New dress. Apple pie.

I firmly told myself that nothing between us can not be. All in the past. And I do not belong to the category of girls who beat off guys. I am a wise adult woman, who simply waits for dinner with an old friend and part-time ex-boyfriend and his first and only love. Fool, in general. How could you trust your intuition. She's a woman. And women, as it turned out, can not be trusted.

He now has a girl, a beautiful girl, whom he loves. All the way to the subway in the minibus, where I had to meet him, I kept repeating myself these words. But my heart only mocked me. It's always like this.

"How many bottles of wine?"

-Two.

- Give me three. Remember this? We drank it with Dasha and Andrey that summer.

-Warningly.

-Yeah, come on. Our beautiful summer.

-Jen, summer, I remember, as if it ended yesterday. I do not remember the name of the wine. That's all.

Having bought wine, we went to my house.

-See quickly. I'll turn on the TV. Harry Potter is shown there.

-What? No! We're not going to watch it.

-Don't pretend you do not like it.

As the bottles were emptied, our faces grew redder, and the phrases were all the funnier. We have experienced so many things together for four years. All-consuming love, a murderous break, a cold of hatred, tenderness, passion, the breath of hope. And now our friendship today is a dock.

-See, "Diary of Memory". Today at 00:30. I will definitely look.

-We will definitely see.

The fact is that this is one of the "our" films. And I did not answer his words, although it was a little awkward. It's like someone upstairs arranged this evening. And the film decided to scroll. Lord, for what?

Two hours later we were already lying on the bed and singing stupid songs, then we drank the remnants of wine, smoked and laughed like crazy. This we do not take away. We have always been good together.

- I'm drunk.

-I also.

When the film began, each of us understood that in a good way, it was necessary to finish everything earlier. He needed to go home. But that did not happen.

Tears burst from me with an endless stream. I cry every time I look at the story of Noah and Ellie. But today they simply could not be stopped. Zhenya lay quietly, hugging me.

When it was over, I got up to smoke a cigarette. After that we lay for a long time, embracing each other. Silently.

I do not know how it all happened. And I asked myself a million times to myself questions, to which there is no answer, except the obvious. "You're just stupid!". The passion that has accumulated in us for many years, burst out. And we both realized that this was the end of our friendship.

He will not leave his girlfriend. I myself will not let him do this, because I love too much. With it, he is happy. And I am a relic of the past. A piece of memories, yes, beautiful, but still, memories. And you can not live only with them.

In the morning we drank in the terrible chilling silence of coffee, and since then I have not seen it. True, he asked before leaving:

"We're friends, are not we?"

"Yes," I answered, closing the door, and knowing that he would never call again. Unless on holidays.

I miss my friend so much. Which was with me for four years, which opened in me sensuality, love. And it becomes no easier from the fact that I myself have destroyed everything.

But I do not want to believe that he will not smile at me with his cunning smile. After all, there is only death or sickness. The rest in our lives is fixable.

I just want to wish you not to commit my mistakes. Appreciate friendship. Sometimes this is the only way to be with someone you love.